charley's blog

I've Moved

2006-07-01T12:04:00.000-07:00

Life has a way of moving on, and so do blogs. My blog is now located on Wordpress, and you can find it here.

Again, that's charleysblog.wordpress.com

See you at the new place!

A Truly Life and Death Situation

2006-06-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

This is an actual headline from MSN today...

Did Star Jones Reynolds Quit "The View" or Was She Fired?"

OH MY GOSH!!! I HOPE THEY GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS SITUATION RIGHT AWAY!!

Why I Felt It Was Important to Change the Look of My Blog

2006-06-26T16:39:00.000-07:00

This morning, I changed my blog appearance. To do this, you can either use the templates provided by Blogger (which aren't all that interesting), or you can do an internet search for "free templates, blogger," and find some more stuff. Then, you have to choose between templates that are easy to load and use, vs. templates that require a lot of tweaking. It's potentially a lot of work, and changing one's blog appearance can be a massive undertaking, which should not be entered into lightly.

There are several reasons people change the look of their blogs:

1. Perhaps a new format better conveys the message they are trying to get across, or better accomodates comments or other features;

2. Perhaps they are bored and don't have enough to do, and don't mind spending hours finding and installing a new template;

3. Perhaps they are trying to avoid other tasks, such as homework, bill paying, etc.

For me, I'm gonna have to go with #3!!

Since Courtney Got Her License...

2006-06-25T23:24:00.000-07:00

1. When I use the car now, the seat position is adjusted so that my knees are in my face;

2. One of those visor CD holder thingies has suddenly appeared on my visor, full of CD's that I don't recognize;

3. Although it seems like I just bought gas, for some reason I had to get more tonight;

4. Courtney decided to drive herself and meet one of her friends at the movies Friday night, instead of letting that friend, who is older and has no driving restrictions, just pick her up (our house is in a direct line between the friend's house and the theater);

5. When Courtney was working tonight and was sent to a local Subway in the same strip mall to get change, she found it necessary to drive there rather than walk;

6. Our next-door neighbor, who has known Courtney since she was 2, can't stop shaking her head and smiling!

MY LIFE IS FOREVER CHANGED

2006-06-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

This morning, at around 10:45 a.m., the lovely Miss Courtney

became a licensed driver. She is now legally entitled to move thousands of pounds of steel down crowded streets and freeways, at enormous speeds.

I couldn't be more excited.

Fortunately, the State of California has finally figured out that teenage drivers are likely to have problems, due to their inexperience. I could have told them that - it's amazing I'm still alive, considering the things I did behind the wheel when I was between the ages of 16-40. Anyway, they impose certain restrictions on teenage drivers during the first 12 months, including not being able to drive with anyone under 20 in the car, not driving between 11pm and 5am, and a few other things.

I have a few suggestions for more teenage driving restrictions:

1. The teenage driver must at all times have a very large, gun-carrying police officer with him/her in the car.

2. The teenage driver may not exceed speeds of 5 mph, except of course on the freeway, in which case he/she may not exceed speeds of 6 mph.

3. The teenage driver may not drive more than 27 feet from his/her residence.

4. The teenage driver must pay for all increased insurance costs, all maintenance such as oil changes and transmission replacements due to doing stupid things with the car, and must pay for all gasoline - even for gasoline not used by the teenage driver. This, of course, is extortion, otherwise known as parenting.

5. Having a driver's license may in no way be construed as an increase in curfew hours. On the contrary, having a driver's license actually results in a removal of any/all curfew. There is no longer a curfew necessary, because she's never going to be driving more than 27 feet from our house!!!!

Not A Good Opportunity for an Attorney

2006-06-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

I read online that one of Saddam Hussein's defense attorneys, Khamis al-Obaidi, was shot and killed yesterday. It's the third lawyer he's, uh, lost under similar circumstances in the past several months.

Interestingly, I had lunch today with a friend who passed the bar exam last year and is excited about all the opportunities that a law degree can bring.

He's right - there's a lot out there. But I'd advise him that if an opportunity ever comes up to be Saddam Hussein's attorney (and it might, because they seem to be running out of them), just say no.

This is the Mandatory Occasional "Life is Busy" Message

2006-06-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, I feel like I need to write and tell my vast reading audience (which is approaching double digits) that I'm just too darn busy. But, it's important, worthwhile, good stuff.

One more week to go in Statistics at Biola. Like a psycho, for some reason I like that class. In another week, I start "Theology and the Christian Life." Also, I just started a History class at El Camino College (which is Spanish for "The Camino College").

During the summer, I need to plan music curriculum for Peninsula Heritage School, so I can start teaching there this fall. In addition, I'm excited about getting a new Saturday night service going at Crossroad. (If you're reading this, Scott, we need to hang out soon). Also, although it's still June, soon it'll be time to start thinking about Mattel Corp's Christmas music, as well as Crossroad's Christmas stuff.

All that, and I may be music director for Torrance Youth Theater's "Annie," starting in October. Maybe. I haven't told them "yes" yet. But I haven't told them "no" either. But I was smart enough to say no to "Beauty and the Beast," which starts rehearsal next week and performs at the end of August. Enough's enough, already.

The game of life is busy. But the end is in sight (the end to the busy-ness, hopefully not the end to life!)

Hanging With Bo

2006-06-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

The lovely Kelley Miller and I went to see Bo Bice perform at the San Diego County Fair last Wednesday. As I mentioned before, Kelley is one of Bo's best friends, and is part of an elite group of Bo fans known as "Bo-Peeps."

While we're not exactly county fair people (watching chickens being judged was about as exciting as watching paint dry), it was a fun day at the fair, especially the part where we accidentally stumbled across the venue where Bo and the band were doing sound check.

There were security guards there, but either they were confused as to what they were supposed to do, or we looked harmless (having left our Middle Eastern garb at home), and the guards let us walk right by and watch the soundcheck. There were about 10-12 people watching with us.

Most of those people (well, all of them except for me) had paid extra for the "meet and greet" time, which is just what it sounds like - you get to hang out with Bo for awhile before the concert. I didn't have a meet and greet pass, so our plan was for Kelley to take care of the meeting and greeting, and I would catch up with her again later. Well, when soundcheck was over, this guy walked up to our group and said if we wanted to meet Bo, we should follow him. I was morally conflicted; I didn't have a meet and greet ticket, yet I was with the group so I figured I could get back there. I hadn't paid for the privilege of meeting and/or greeting as the others had, yet I was invited. After carefully mulling over all the ethical problems for about one-tenth of a second, I decided to go.

We went to a patio area backstage, where we got to hang out with Bo and Mrs. Bo. Bo's a nice guy, very friendly and outgoing, and I must say - very little. I'm not a big guy, but I think I might be bigger than him.

The concert rocked - in every sense of the word. What he lacks in physical size, he more than makes up for in energy and talent. If you ever get a chance to see Bo in concert, I would strongly recommend it. (Note to you who think Taylor Hicks, this year's Idol winner, is so hot: Go see Bo, and you'll see there is no comparison. Bo is capable of commanding a stadium, whereas Tayor is capable of commanding a lounge on a cruise ship).

In closing, I need to say to Kelley, in front of the whole world - although I mock you for being in love with Bo, I have to admit that there are definite advantages to being married to a Bo-Peep.

In Case Britney Reads This (hey, you never know...)

2006-06-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Matt Lauer interviewed Britney Spears for one of those pseudo news tabloid shows, "Dateline," or whatever it is.

I didn't see it, but hopefully important things were cleared up, such as what's going on with Britney's husband, has she dropped anymore babies lately, etc.

I'm pretty sure Britney doesn't read my blog. On the other hand, sometimes I've been surprised at who actually reads this thing. So just in case, I have a few random thoughts for her:

1. Use a car seat. Drop the whole "I'm from the country" thing. You live in L.A., and last time I was in Malibu where you are, I noticed a lot of cars, going rather fast - one of them was mine. You drive a car on a busy highway, not a tractor in a field. It's time to adjust your paradigm.

2. While Kevin may have some nice qualities, they are (apparently) known only to you. The truth is, you married a guy who comes off a bit like a loser. Therefore, people consider him a loser. So you're either going to have to learn to ignore what people think, or get Kevin some serious image help. This is, after all, the guy you chose.

3. Saying "I'm a good mom" will be a lot more believable when you stop dropping babies onto concrete, and stop making babies with guys like Kevin. Oh yeah, and the car seat thing, too.

4. Photographers, some of them not so nice, tend to congregate around famous people. As hard as it is to believe, you're not the first person this has happened to. If it bothers you, here's my suggestion for how to deal with it - work on your music, work on yourself, and try to become known for your substance, not your strangeness.

Just trying to help.

One Last Oz-Related Thought...

2006-06-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

OK, I realize this is bordering on bad taste. But here it is anyway.

It seems there was some confusion right after U.S. troops bombed that al-Zarqawi guy the other day. Questions surfaced, such as "Did he die right away," "exactly how did he die," and "if he didn't die right away, how long did it take," etc.

In other words, there was quite an obsession about the guy's death.

Having just finished a fine production of "Wizard of Oz," it occurs to me that this was a job for the Munchkin Coroner, a man who takes his job most seriously. What SHOULD have happened was after the Air Force got done bombing the guy's house, they should have called in the Munchkin Coroner right away, who would have made the following confident announcement:

"He's not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead!"

More Toto News

2006-06-07T00:18:00.000-07:00

In an effort to try to work around the demon- possessed dog playing the part of Toto in the Wizard of Oz (June -10, Armstrong Theater, Torrance Ca, tickets now on sale), the director has decided to use a stuffed dog in some scenes.

We'll still use the demonic Toto when there's actual live dog stuff to be done, but other times, when Toto just needs to be in the basket and shut up, we'll go with the stuffed dog to minimize how much time the possessed Toto needs to be out among people. It's probably not a good idea to let Toto continue to bite the Dorothy's (although for one of them, I don't mind so much).

I'll let you know how it works.

Issues With Toto

2006-06-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

We're having Toto issues in our production of Wizard of Oz, big time.

We're using an actual Yorkshire Terrier, purchased by the show's producer (at considerable cost). The main problem is, Toto, like many young actors, has suddenly become very moody.

Unlike other young actors, however, Toto has taken up randomly barking during scenes and biting people. Toto especially has a problem with one of our Dorothy's... which is a bad thing. This poor girl was bitten twice today during rehearsal.

I'm not sure how they're going to work out the Toto issues, but it makes me think about the story version of Toto, and how so many of Dorothy's problems happened because Toto was an idiot:

1. Toto was almost taken to Kansas Animal Control because he bit Miss Gultch. For all the drama it caused, no one ever mentions the fact that the whole incident was kind of Toto's fault in the first place;

2. There's an incident in the witch's house, where Toto is captured by these weird monkeys and taken to be thrown into the river, at the witch's command, of course. If Toto hadn't been there, there would have been no hostage available, and maybe Dorothy could have escaped more quickly;

3. At the end of the show, the Wizard was about to take Dorothy home in his balloon. However, because once again Toto wasn't where he was supposed to be, Dorothy had to go find him, which meant she wasn't where she was supposed to be when the balloon took off. Of course, the Good Witch was able to step and help her, but still, it was yet another incident where that dog was more trouble than he was worth.

I need to point out that I'm a dog person. I like dogs, and they usually like me. However, the story version of Toto caused problems because of his attitude, and our dog actor Toto is also causing problems with his attitude.

Maybe the witch had the right idea with the river... or maybe I can get the phone number of Kansas Animal Control... hmmm....

More "Wizard" Stuff... Things You'll Only Hear During "Wizard of Oz" Tech Rehearsal Week

2006-06-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

Still working on "Oz." By the way, in my previous post about interpreting the phrase, I'd have to say that Joanne is ahead so far.

Here are few things I've heard this week, that you'll never hear anywhere else but during Wizard of Oz tech week:

(message on my cell phone): Charley? This is Gene. I found cool sound effects for the Tin Man!

Has anyone seen the witch's legs? They're supposed to be sticking out from under the house.

Why do the Tin Man's arms keep coming off?

I don't think Toto and the oil can are going to both fit in the basket at the same time.

Charley, do you have any bubble music?

(from my Asian, wonderful assistant keyboard player): "Charry, on 'Ovel Lainbow,' you pray merrody whire I pray 'de de de de de de de de' on stling sound?" (me): "Sure, that'll work." (translation - "Charley, on Over the Rainbow, can you play the melody while I play something else on a string sound on my keyboard?)

One week to go!!

Can Someone Please Explain this Line to Me?

2006-05-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Currently, I'm getting ready for five performances of "Wizard of Oz," where I'm serving as musical director for the City of Torrance Youth Theater.

There's a line in the show that's always bugged me, because it just doesn't make sense.

The first person who can offer me a logical, sensible paraphrase of this line wins a Starbucks card. The decision of the judge (me) is final. Here's the line (more effective if you imagine a whiny Dorothy voice delivering the line) ...

(Dorothy): "... If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard, because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with."

HUH???

It's Opposite Day in California

2006-05-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

It's opposite day today. There can't possibly be any other explanation for what happened in Sacramento...

1. Vicente Fox, the President of Mexico, addressed the California State Legislature;

2. President Fox received thunderous applause;

3. In the meantime, illegal aliens continue to pour across the California/Mexico border;

4. President Fox said something to the effect of "We need to continue to work together on the immigration issue." Wait a minute - "we need to continue to work together" implies that work is actually being done on both sides already, which it isn't. Unless he defines his part of the work as sending as many people here every day as he possibly can so he won't have to take care of them.

5. In the meantime, while Mexico essentially encourages thousands to continue to break the law and cross illegally into the U.S., my understanding is that it's very difficult for people at Mexico's southern border to get in. Apparently they don't like people entering their country illegally, but expect to be able to enter our country illegally.

6. I should point out, by the way, that President Fox's term is over in a few weeks;

7. I should also point out that Mexico's economy has gotten much worse under Fox's leadership, encouraging millions to move here illegally.

Before making my final point, let me summarize - a foreign leader, whose people are moving here illegally by the thousands every week, largely due to his sucky leadership, is here addressing the legislature of a U.S. State - giving us insight into the immigration issue.

8. His lame, idiotic speech was interrupted several times by applause from the California legislature.

I should have realized that we were entering some sort of alternative universe when Taylor Hicks won American Idol last night.

Another Sign That We Are Living In A Fallen World...

2006-05-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

The results of American Idol tonight were, of course, tragic.

I can only attribute it to our depraved human nature, which for some reason manifests itself more among people of the South.

Before Next Week's "Idol" Vote...

2006-05-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

A vote for Taylor is a vote for evil.

A vote for Katherine is a vote for good.

Vote for Katherine.

P.S. Today's blog idea was provided by the lovely Mrs. Kelley Miller, a close personal friend of THE American Idol, Bo Bice. And yes, this really is my wife (on the right), and this really is Bo Bice!

AI - Almost There

2006-05-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

Elliott's gone. He was a likeable enough guy, but definitely not the right guy to win.

Which leaves us with the lovely, talented Katherine McPhee, or the oldest-looking 27-year-old ever, Taylor Hicks.

There are a lot of people who like Taylor, including a few people I know and like. You know who you are.

Let me just say this... I feel our relationship has progressed to the point that I can say this to you honestly - you need serious counseling and/or prayer. Your perception is a little wacky. If you'll contact me, I can give you some names of good therapists who can help you.

If all is right with the world, next week's picture will look like this...

Stuff I've Realized About Cats & Dogs

2006-05-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I was driving home, I noticed a cat sitting by itself at a corner, just hanging out. It's as though he/she was thinking, and perfectly content to be there alone. I thought, "Now there's something a dog would never do," and from there, in the 4 remaining minutes it took for me to get home, I decided it would be worthwhile to write about new insights I've recently had about cats and dogs.

Besides feeling that this is an important and instructive topic, it's three days until the next "American Idol" vote, so I need to fill some blog space.

Cat/Dog Insights, in Random Order...

1. As I mentioned, you'd never see a dog sitting alone at night, on a corner, deep in thought. Dogs are normally not capable of deep thought. This isn't to say dogs aren't wonderful animals - just not thoughtful ones.

2. Since dogs aren't particularly thoughtful or reflective, this brings me to my next observation... you'd probably never see a dog hanging out in Starbucks, Borders or Barnes and Noble. Again, that's more of a place for reflective thinkers, so dogs wouldn't want to go there. Cats, on the other hand, might feel at home in those places. The exception might be groups of 2-3 dogs, hanging out at Starbucks together having fun. But never studying, and never alone.

3. Dogs tend to be more open about their feelings than cats. Cats have this obnoxious habit of needing to be cool all the time, whereas dogs will express any emotion they have, the minute they have it (kind of like my good friend, Fr. Rich). This is a good thing - emotional expressiveness can be very healthy. Which makes me want to say that dogs are less likely to be in therapy than cats, but that's not true. Cats are more likely to NEED therapy than dogs, but dogs would probably more likely GO to therapy than cats, just because they'd enjoy the emotional interaction with the therapist.

4. Because of the different emotional makeup between cats/dogs, their choice of music would differ as well. Dogs would lean toward either country or classic rock, while cats would listen to jazz or classical, even if they didn't like it. It wouldn't matter, because cats like to put on a front of being cool and sophisticated, so not only would they stay away from country and classic rock, they'd also listen to National Public Radio and watch PBS. Whereas dogs, on the other hand, would listen to Dr. Laura (because they respond to being scolded) and they'd probably watch any of the CSI shows (Las Vegas, Miami, New York, Phoenix, Tulsa, etc), because dogs are strong moral creatures and they'd get satisfaction out of the bad guys getting outsmarted.

5. Cats would be wine drinkers - dogs would drink beer. Both outcomes would be entertaining.

6. There's clearly a double standard between cats and dogs. If a cat is nasty or hateful, we think, "That's how cats are," and we for some reason still want them. However, if a dog is nasty or hateful, we look for a new dog.

7. Neither dogs nor cats would make good reality TV contestants. For example, on "Survivor," the dogs would just want to play during the important immunity challenges, while the cats would freak out and run away. And, "The Bachelor Cat" or "The Bachelor Dog" would be downright ugly, judging from behaviors I used to see at the dog park, as well as noises I sometimes hear outside my window at night. Although when you think about it, these shows aren't much better with humans either.

8. Regarding matters of faith, cats would either be agnostic, or they'd be Presbyterians, Lutherans or Catholics. Dogs would lean toward Southern Baptist (because of the food), or the more exuberant denominations like Assemblies of God or Vineyard.

Hopefully this information is helpful. If not, the American Idol vote is only three days away!

Amer. Idol Update - WHAT THE....????

2006-05-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the voting public didn't understand.

The object is to vote for the person with the MOST talent. In addition, we're trying to remove the person with the LEAST talent.

Chris should have won this thing. Instead, he's gone.

Now my fear is that Taylor (the big smiley guy in the back of the photo) will win. That would be an indication that we have entered into some kind of alternate universe. He's horrible.

Let me use the immortal words of Simon Cowell to remind the voting public of what they should be thinking ... "This is supposed to be a singing competition!"

What's Next for Paris?

2006-05-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

Paris Bennet has now been voted off of American Idol. Nice girl, good voice, but gone. What's next for her? Here are a few, well 10, of my suggestions:

Top Ten Options For Paris:

10. Audition for the role of Tootie in "Facts of Life - the Movie."

9. Go home and finish the 4th grade.

8. Get a job doing cartoon voice-over work (her speaking voice is very different from her singing voice).

7. File a discrimination lawsuit. Since she was the only remaining contestant of color, I can already imagine Jesse Jackson appearing on CNN, being outraged.

6. Sit in the studio audience of future American Idol episodes like all the other ejected contestants, and pretend to be happy for the remaining singers.

5. Go home, sit in front of the TV, eat cookies and gain 78 pounds, and give up music forever (I'm sure she won't do that, but in all fairness, it IS an option).

4. Do commercials for Crest toothpaste (she's very smiley).

3. Do commercials for Prozac (again, she's very smiley).

2. Drop out of high school, go to trade school and become a dental hygenist.

1. Do a sitcom with Kelly Pickler - two roommates, one black, the other white, getting into all kinds of hilarious hijinx. Florence Henderson can play the wacky neighbor/apartment manager.

American Idol (yawn)

2006-05-02T23:37:00.000-07:00

I have to admit - I like American Idol. I like hearing talented people sing, which sometimes happens on the show. And I like brutal honesty, which you sometimes get from the judges.

But this season, I'm getting bored with it. There are some talented people, but there aren't any that inspire a "wow" from me. Either they don't have the "wow factor," or if they do, they aren't letting it out. As I write this, there are five of them left, and tomorrow one of them will be cut loose. And as I said to Kelley tonight, I don't care anymore who wins. None of them are particularly thrilling.

A few of them are enjoyable. Katherine is very pretty, and has a great voice - but not a special voice. I thought there was some "wow" in her auditions a few months ago, but I haven't seen it since. Paris is cute and has a good set of pipes (for you nonmusical people, that means she sings well), but again, she doesn't do it for me. Chris is definitely cool, but tends to sound the same all the time, while Elliot has a little too much of a boy-band style. And Taylor consistently sounds like a drunk guy at a wedding.

I realize this is just my opinion - but while I'm no music producer, I'm not exactly musically inexperienced either. Most of these five could find venues where they can sing; most of them will find ways to use their talents. All of them, by the way, are considerably better singers than I am.

But none of them are Bo Bice. Or Kelly Clarkson. Those two have something special.

So any of these five new ones may win, and that's fine with me. I'm ready for this season to be over. I think it may be time to pack this season up, and start again with new auditions.

The Most Bizzarre Headlines

2006-04-21T23:52:00.000-07:00

For a good time, take a look once in a while at the Entertainment news from MSNBC. Just the headlines are entertaining enough - no need to go ahead and read the actual "news" part.

For example, here are a few actual headlines I found tonight:

Now the World Eagerly Awaits Baby Brangelina... actually, not the whole world. There are a few people right here in my own house who don't care.

George Michael Reignites Feud with Elton John... I could stoop low and say something about how those two crazy kids need to stop fighting and admit they're just right for one another, but I won't do that.

Nick Would Marry Jessica All Over Again... finally, I understand the cause of the divorce. Nick has no brain.

Vanna White Gets Walk of Fame Star... just so there's no misunderstanding - while some people receive stars on the Walk of Fame for singing, acting, or displaying actual talent of some sort, Ms. White received her star for pointing at letters in a game show.

Rabbi Aims to Spread Shalom on Reality Show... I actually saw this show. It's called "Shalom in the Home," and this Rabbi parks his Airstream trailer in front of a house where there's trouble going on, e.g., marital fighting, brings people into his trailer for counseling, and saves the day. I want his job.

And finally, two headlines in a row to indicate that MSNBC has something for everyone...

"24" Has Finally Hit Its Stride.... followed by...

Is 24 Running Out of Time?

Getting Ready to Play in Nine Days

2006-04-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

In nine days, Kelley and I are performing with three friends at the American Cancer Society's "Relay for Life" here in Torrance. Tonight, we spent a few hours with the guys, working out the bugs in the music and getting it to sound right.

Playing jazz is a relatively new thing for me. I've done the rock thing, the wedding thing, the worship thing, the theater thing, and in a moment of poor judgment, the country thing. I consider myself a utilitarian musician - I have my favorite stuff, but I'll do whatever it takes.

Next Saturday, jazz is what it takes, and I'm excited about it.

We're playing old standards like "Steppin' Out," and "God Bless the Child," and Motown stuff like "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" which is kind of scary for white guys). Kelley's singing "Beyond the Sea" and "I've Got a Crush on You." We're even going to sneak in "Amazing Grace," but with a jazz flavor.

Nine days, and one more rehearsal, and then we're up. All this work, to play for about 45 minutes. But those 45 minutes, when things are working right, are the best 45 minutes.

Add to that a worthwhile cause, and a couple thousand people in a festive mood, and it looks like it'll be a good night. Nine days away. I can't wait.

Easter 2006: Busy, But Not Like Before

2006-04-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

This year was my 2nd Easter Sunday I've spent not in an official "pastor" mode. For 15 or so years, I was scrambling to get everything done, working up to the "big day," and trying to make sure everything worked.

Those were fun times, especially four years when we had our Easter services outside, at a park. When our little church of 75 people started doing that, we had no idea we would ultimately have close to 500 people at that service. So I'm not complaining about the busy-ness; I'm just saying I was busy. It was a way of life.

Last year, I did pretty much nothing at Easter. It was a shock to my system.

This year, I had the privilege of leading worship at two Easter services at Crossroad, and hanging out in between and meeting a bunch of people. It was busy, but not extreme. I really only had to handle one thing - the music stuff.

It was a nice, gradual step back into things. Kind of busy, but manageble and more importantly, kind of fun.

I'm loving the job.

Missing the Point

2006-04-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

Today, Good Friday, is a good day to get back to the point of why those of us who follow Jesus have decided to do that.

Christianity has been and continues to be widely misunderstood. Last night I was listening to a talk radio host for a few minutes. He was discussion "religion and other matters of faith," because it was Easter week, and it seemed like a pertinent topic to him.

I need to interject here that I happen to like this guy and his show. However, last night he was missing the point.

He apparently has a reputation of being an agnostic, but he denied that, saying, "I happen to believe Christianity is a great thing. I think if everyone followed the teachings of Jesus and the principles of Christianity, the world would be a better place." In other words, his definition and view of Christianity was about behavioral principles - love your neighbor, etc.

That's missing the point. If you're looking for a system of ideas to make your life better, Jesus' ideas are good. But there are lots of other good belief systems, if it's just about behavior. Although Jesus had a lot to say about life and relationships and practical living, that wasn't his main point, and it shouldn't be ours if we're following him. That wasn't really the problem he came to address.

Jesus came to solve a specific problem. We're unable to know God, because of our sin. Jesus died to take our sin away. That's it. Christianity is about being forgiven of sin, and thus being able to know God, because sin is no longer a problem.

So, enjoy the good things Jesus adds to life. Use his teachings to enhance your relationships, and follow his practical wisdom. But don't miss the point. Don't overlook his real purpose.

16 is Rapidly Approaching

2006-04-12T09:32:00.000-07:00

Our daughter, Courtney, will turn 16 in 23 days, 14 hours, 25 minutes, and 13 seconds. I only know that info from checking her "My Space," in which she has somehow installed a countdown feature. By the time anyone reads this, the numbers I wrote will be inaccurate. My only point in writing them is to demonstrate how obsessive teenage girls can become about turning 16 years. It is, in the mind of teenage-girl-dom, a magical age.

To make the experience even more surreal, Kelley chose this week to clean out some cupboards at home. In the process, she found a lot of old pictures. I've decided the main purpose of taking pictures is simply to shock you when you're older - "Why in the world did you let me wear that?" or "That place that gave haircuts isn't still open, are they? Someone needs to call the police about those guys" or "Maybe I shouldn't still be wearing that shirt."

Courtney, too, has gone through lots of changes since we got her (Courtney was adopted, and came to our home when she was three days old). Here are some of the differences:

When Courtney was a baby/toddler:

She was short
She got up early and woke us up
She talked constantly
She loved clothes
She would laugh so hard she'd get the hiccups
Even if she was mad, she'd smile when a camera was aimed at her (in photo above, she was screaming two seconds before)
She'd stand in the hallway in purple sweats, singing softly with Amy Grant's "Breath of Heaven"... "Bwef of Hebben, etc."
She couldn't wait to go to school
We took her to homes of other children, sometimes boys, for "play dates"
She looked like the picture on the upper left

Now that Courtney is reaching the ripe old age of 16:

She's much taller
We get up early and wake her up
She sleeps more
She talks constantly
She still loves clothes, but not the same ones as when she was a baby
She still laughs a lot, but no longer gets the hiccups as a result
She knows how to snowboard
She drives
Even if she's mad, she'll smile when a camera is present
She knows a lot of people I don't know
She has a job
She doesn't feel the same way about school as when she was younger
She's developed the incredible talent of muti-tasking - she's able to talk on the real phone, on the cell phone, type on the computer, and yell through the bedroom door at us (in a friendly manner, of course) - all at the same time
Boys drive cars to our house and pick her up for up "dates." Only she refuses to call them "dates." But they are.
She looks more like the picture on the upper right (taken last year)

Applications are now being accepted for future husbands. They can be forwarded to me, via this blog, and I'll give them due consideration.

About All Those Email Chain Letters...

2006-04-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

I have a good friend, Perry Shields, who writes a blog called "View From the Middle."

Perry's kind of cynical, and Christians should only read if they don't mind healthy criticism. He also doesn't believe in the Rapture, so if you're dogmatic about that, you're going to be challenged. BUT - I know this guy well enough to know his heart for God, his servant attitude - and his dog. So I can vouch for him.

Perry's written a great post about those Christian Email Chain Letters we all receive - the ones that promise a blessing if we'll send it to 10 of our friends, or the prayer requests about people in foriegn countries facing bizzarre circumstances.

Check it out here.

A Deep Question About "The Last Supper"

2006-04-04T00:03:00.000-07:00

"The Da Vinci Code" addresses several issues surrounding "The Last Supper" (the event, not the painting). Most, if not all of those issues, and their explanations, are silly.

But I have one deep question about "The Last Supper" (the painting, not the event)...

Why are all these people sitting on the same side of the table???

Life Progress Report

2006-04-01T23:07:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while it's good to take a quick snapshot of life, and see where things are. Even if these progress reports serve no other practical purpose, at least it's something to put on the blog. So, here goes...

Four classes down at Biola - Group & Organizational Behavior, Management Information Systems, Managerial Accounting, Leaders & Worldview. So far so good, and I feel a little bit smarter. Plus, I have a cool "Biola" hooded sweatshirt so that's worth the effort right there.

One Sunday down at Crossroad, leading worship. Pretty good start - no one died or anything. Plus we had a good lunch with the worship peeps, so that's always good. As long as I don't touch any of the microphones or cables, cause another guy does that and is sort of uber-protective over it, I'll be O.K.

Courtney sort of likes a new guy, who seems like he's not an axe murderer or anything. At this point, she seems to have the power, the upper hand, the ball in her court. She's holding the cards. In other words, she's playing with this guy's head like a kitten with a ball of yarn, and is having a good time in the process.

Courtney's also working at Penguin's Frozen Yogurt. So far she's opened the store, and closed the store, but not on the same day. She also knows how to very artistically swirl the yogurt into the cups, so there's a life skill right there.

Kelley has successfully followed (i.e., cared for, not stalked) a baby for several months, and sent him home today. It was emotional - because of her good work and the work of others on the team, this little guy is doing great. But he'll be missed. Just part of the work- you want them to go home healthy, but it's hard saying goodbye. Soon there'll be another long-term baby, and it all starts again.

Oh yeah - I got some new guitar picks with palm trees on them. So I've got that going for me.

Life is good. It'll probably get tough again, but this week it's good.

The Little Choir That Thought It Could

2006-03-24T22:41:00.000-08:00

Today, I played the piano for the Crossroad School's choir, as they participated in the ASCI Choir Festival. "ASCI" stands for Association of Christian Schools.

It was an all-day thing in Pasadena, with a bunch of jr. high choirs from Christian schools, various types of choirs from experienced to relatively new. The Crossroad choir is fairly new and inexperienced. They participated in this last year, had a nice experience but didn't do really well, and the music teacher had not planned to do it this year. Well, the kids talked her into it, so starting in February (i.e., last month), they started learning the required music, plus a few optional pieces on which they would be judged - kind of like the Olympics, only with music and not as lame, especially not as lame as the Winter Olympics. But I digress.

The Crossroad choir wasn't expected to do well. They're new, they haven't had time to work very much, they're almost an "inner-city" school, not as sophisticated as some of the other private Christian schools in better neighborhoods, with bigger music budgets.

THESE KIDS ROCKED TODAY! In their judging, they blew the judges away, in fact, they blew the whole audience away (consisting of the other choirs). Being a group of about three-fourths, uh, "people of color," they found it impossible to stand still while they performed, and people loved it.

There was judging all afternoon, and a performance at night where each group got to do one of their songs, with an audience of parents and friends and other school people. Cornerstone rocked once again. Then, the night finished with all the kids in one large choir, about 500 of them, singing four songs together.

For the judging, the groups are given scores of 1-4, in several categories, with 4's being the best.

They got almost all 4's, with a few 3's.

They're already talking about how much better they'll be next year. Maybe they will, but this will always be the year that stands out for me, when the inner-city kids went to Pasadena, and showed everyone, including themselves, what they could do.

A New Chapter

2006-03-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

Travel with me back in time....

It's 1983. Men (and some women) wear mullets, Michael Jackson is Black, and a church called Calvary Baptist gave me a place to play the piano for three years. As long as I didn't wear my red Converse hightops and turquoise pants to church, everybody was happy.

Move ahead... it's now 2006. Men (and some women) shave their heads, Michael Jackson is kind of, well, faded beige, and a church called Crossroad has invited me to be their worship leader, to which I said yes.

Crossroad Church and Calvary Baptist are the same church - kind of.

It's the same building, same address, same piano, even some of the same people. But a different pastor, different vision, and a different look to the congregation. They look like the community, containing a little bit of every kind of people.

There's a lot of opportunity to try new things, and to develop some already great things. It's going to be a fun ride. Now I just need to find my red hightops and turquoise pants.

More News From Human Resources

2006-03-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

As if it wasn't enough that our friend Jessica Mski is starting a new job on Monday, it turns out that Courtney is, too! Pretty cool, considering that Jessica and Courtney were best buds from K-3rd grade ("Are you buying or bringing today?").

Tomorrow, Courtney starts working at Penguins Frozen Yogurt. I'm not sure what she'll be doing, but with a name like "Penguins," I'm hoping her job involves something like this...

So, Which Church is It??

2006-03-12T10:26:00.000-08:00

Look carefully at the photo, esepcially the carved lettering above the yellow sign. You may want to click on the photo to get a clearer view.

Then, someone please tell me...

Is it the First Church of Christ, Scientist or is it the Second Church of Christ, Scientist?

Because I'm thinking if you want to go to the Church of Christ, Scientist, you need to make sure you get the correct number. Apparently, that makes all the difference.

Field Trip Followup

2006-03-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

Successful. Not too long, not too short. And a little known fact, The Getty makes one of the best cheeseburgers anywhere.

Finally, on an artistic note, Courtney may very well be the only teenager in the world to have Van Gogh's "Irises" on her cell phone....

Field Trip on Friday!!

2006-03-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes homeschooling can be a pain, for Courtney and for us, too.

But sometimes it's cool. Friday will be one of those days.

The Lovely Miss Courtney and I will jump on the 405 Freeway, drive a few miles north (which, depending on traffic, could translate to a few hours), and end up at the Getty Center.

I'm don't know about Miss Courtney, but I plan to be much more cultured and refined when I get back. However, before that happens, I should probably write one more Top Ten List:

Top Ten Good Things About Homeschool Field Trips

10. You can do ANYTHING and call it a field trip. Heck, I can just go to Borders and read, and not even take Courtney, and probably find a way to count it as a field trip.

9. No need for parental permission slips.

8. Don't have to ride on those uncomfortable yellow school busses.

Here's our bus...

7. Don't have to wait around for the lame PTA to come up with funding. We just go.

6. Don't have to eat some sack lunch that's been sitting in a storage area on a bus all morning. We can go to Burger King, Del Taco, Quizno's, etc. Or maybe all of them.

5. We can stop at Starbucks on the way there. Or on the way back. Or both. And maybe the day before, just to work up to it. (good thing the Getty is so cheap)

4. We can pretend to actually be learning something, when really, we're just goofing off. (Come to think of it, that's the case with field trips in regular school, too.)

3. It's much easier to count the members of your group when you're ready to leave. ("Let's see, do we have everybody? Courtney? Me? I guess that's it.")

2. If you're sick and "absent" from school that day, the whole field trip cancels and reschedules, just for you.

and the #1 Good Thing About Homeschool Field Trips...

1. Even if the trip is lame, you're probably having a better time than your friends in regular school!

The Canvas

2006-03-06T23:43:00.000-08:00

I now have a new blog, The Canvas.

If you're an artist of any kind - painter, filmmaker, actor, musician, sculptor - who would like to participate in discussions of integrating your faith and your art, I'd love to meet you over there.

The Canvas will be a little more serious than this blog. But don't worry - for those of you who count on my insights into important subjects such as coffee, teenage driving, the lame Winter Olympics, and why I suspect Mel Gibson and Saddam Hussein may be the same person, those thoughts will still be found here.

Be sure to tell all your right-brain friends!

Misconceptions About Christianity

2006-03-01T15:01:00.000-08:00

Today's guest blog comes from Tony Liston, pastor of Adventure Christian Community, in Davenport Iowa. For a midwest guy, he's actually pretty cool.

In answer to the questions, "What are the top ten misconceptions about Christianity?" and, "What is our response to those things?" Tony writes...

1. That hate is part of Christianity.

2. That elitism is a part of Christianity.

3. That arrogance is part of Christianity.

4. That superstition is a part of Christianity.

5. That whining is a part of Christianity.

6. That specific secular political affiliations are a part of Christianity.

7. That hypocrisy is a part of Christianity.

8. That irrelevance is a part of Christianity.

9. That dress codes and old music are a part of Christianity.

10. That Christianity is about church on Sunday morning.

"I'm sorry we've given you those impressions."

More Fun With Coffee

2006-02-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

Here's something I read this morning on an internet forum that I hang out at. It was written by someone who works at Starbucks...

last nights debacle:

me: "welcome to starbucks, what can we get for you?"

lady: "i need three grande coffees, decaf, but one of them half decaf."

me: "alright, on the half-caf, do you want the decaf on the top or the bottom?"

lady: "um..." *mumbles to people in car* *silence for like a minute*

me: "ma'am?"

lady: "i think she wants it on the bottom" *starbucks employees laughing*

me: "excellent."

lady: "does it even matter?!?! what kind of question is that?? are you laughing at me??!?!"

me: *muffling laughter* "no... we'll have your drinks and total at the window."

-- the best part was watching her through the video and seeing how serious she was pondering the decaf on the top or bottom part. it was like an SAT question for her.

MWAHAHAHAHA!

P.S. ..... this conversation was found at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/boards/

Final Olympic-Related Blog

2006-02-20T21:48:00.000-08:00

This is it, my last one.

And the only purpose for this one is to say that, really, I just don't care all that much about the Winter Olympics.

I tried to be excited this year; I gave it my best shot. But deep down, in my heart of hearts (or wherever that place is that you find "deep down" stuff), I just really don't care. Frankly, I have no clue how many medals the U.S. has won, and I can't name very many Winter Olympic athletes.

These blog entries have merely been my feeble attempt at being funny. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't. But you have to admit, there are a lot of things about the Winter Olympics worth making fun of. For example...

The whole luge thing - it just seems so awkward and uncomfortable, and how hard can it be to get on a metal slab and slide down an ice track?

But lest I lapse into yet another Top Ten, such as "Top Ten Winter Olympic Things Just Begging to Be Mocked," I'll just leave the Olympics for this year, and hope for less apathy on my part in 2008 when we do the summer thing again. Not that I have any idea where those games will take place, but as of tonight, it really doesn't matter to me.

22 Hours to Camp

2006-02-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

It's now Saturday, almost 1:00 p.m. Yesterday, we left our house around 5 p.m. to make a 3-hour drive to a Young Life camp near Ramona, CA.

Even with traffic, this trip is taking a really, really long time.

We stopped at Starbucks before leaving Torrance, of course. Then we made a restroom stop in Westminister, about an hour later. Then, we got off the freeway in Lake Forest, so my wife could show me the house where she grew up. We saw it, scared the neighbors, and tried to find a place for dinner. We found a place, read the menu, and decided it wasn't for us.

We headed further south, made it to Vista, where we found a Mimi's cafe. Kelley was happy, I was happy - life was good. We ate, and hit the road again. Then we stopped at a Sav-on for some stuff we forgot. (By the way it was pouring rain for most of this little trip).

Leaving Sav-on, I was determined to make time. We changed freeways in Escondido, and seconds later, the driver's side window in our Mini exploded. We're not sure why - it sounded like an explosion. Not finding any bullets or injuries, I decided that wasn't what happened. We immediately got off the freeway, pulled into a parking lot of a Target, and began removing glass from the inside of the car. Kelley bought trash bags from Target while I watched the car.

We taped plastic over the window, which made it impossible to see, which made it impossible to continue our journey. But if you're going to explode a window, this is apparently the place to do it. We checked into a Comfort Inn across the street, called and made arrangements for a mobile glass service to come and fix the window, watched Letterman, and went to sleep.

Saturday morning... having been told the guy would arrive "between 8 and 12," I called around 8 this morning, to be told he'd be here at 12!

Now he's here, fixing our car. Kelley's at Target, and I'm on my trusty laptop. We should be leaving in the next hour, which will put us at camp around 2:30 or 3.

Which will make the 3-hour drive to camp more like 22 hours. It had better be a good camp!!!

P.S. - It ended up being more like 25 hours, and the glass guy wasn't able to completely fix the problem. He put in a new window, but something inside the door is broken and the window won't close. More adventures with this next week...

BREAKING OLYMPIC NEWS!!!

2006-02-13T22:15:00.000-08:00

Let's just say it seems a little odd that at the same time as Dick Cheney's little shotgun "accident," Michelle Kwan found it necessary to withdraw from the Olympics due to a "groin injury." Could that "groin injury" have been shotgun inflicted?

So what if there's a guy in the hospital who claims the Vice President "accidentally" shot him. That whole thing is nothing more than a distraction. It would be nothing for a man in Cheney's position to fly over to Italy, pelt Michelle Kwan with both barrels, and then quickly fly back and shoot the old guy, as a cover up.

Far be it from me to sully Ms. Kwan's noble gesture of withdrawing from the games (though I do enjoy using the word "sully" whenever I can). All I can say is, someone needs to examine her for shotgun pellets. Clearly, the Vice-President may not be a fan of ice skating. I don't recall ever having seen him in the crowd watching Olympic Ice Skating events, and I've never heard him publicly support Michelle Kwan. There may be some real ugliness at work here.

P.S. - the fact that Michelle Kwan is from Torrance, Ca, and the fact that I happen to live in Torrance, Ca, is merely a coincidence. Our common geography has not influenced my views in the least.

Once You've Seen What Can Be Done With a Little Imagination and Creativity...

2006-02-13T19:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, you have experiences that are so amazing, you are affected by them forever. Sometimes, you have experiences that are of such high quality, you are no longer impressed by the mundane.

A few weeks ago, we took our Mini Cooper in for service. Since Mini is owned by BMW, we got to use a BMW for the day. Having driven that, I can now see what a car is capable of, and my "regular" Jeep is no longer the same for me.

Along the same lines, I've spent time lately at a music store playing some very expensive, very special guitars. Although I love the two guitars I already have and I'm thankful for them, I can now see what can be done with a guitar when a little more care and creativity are involved, and my sights are now set a bit higher.

Mosaic is a church I've attended off and on for nearly a year. But last night at the service, something hit me about what was going on there. It's the same feeling I had with the BMW and with the expensive guitars - once you've seen what can be accomplished with a little extra creativity and imagination, you just aren't willing to settle for the mundane if you don't have to.

Those words, "if you don't have to," are important. I can't go out and buy a BMW or a $2000 guitar. So I'm thankful for the cars and instruments I have. But I can certainly aim higher when it comes to church.

The most important, and most extraordinary story I know is about God stepping into history to get back his people, who were dying. He could have written us off, but he didn't. There's no more amazing or dramatic story than that. And a story that amazing deserves to be told in an extraordinary way. A story like that deserves some extra thought and creativity, and some extra care as to how it's presented.

A story like that should never become mundane. And a place given the responsibility of telling that story (i.e., a "church"), should never lack in creativity or imagination. Unfortunately, many of them do.

Anyway, I may very well have been ruined when it comes to church. I've seen what a little extra imagination and creativity in church can accomplish. I've also seen what a lack of imagination and creativity in church can accomplish. Given the choice, I'll take the first option.

Note... find out more at www.mosaic.org

Top Ten Winter Olympic Events They Don't Have, but Should

2006-02-12T00:09:00.000-08:00

I've got Winter Olympic fever, I tell ya!

Here are the Top Ten Winter Olympic Events they don't have (yet), but should really consider including in the future...

10. Snowball fighting

9. Making snow angels

8. Zamboni races

7. Penguin slapping

6. Snow shoveling (for middle aged men only)

5. Frostbite competition (participants take a long hike barefoot, and compare toes at the finish line. Contestant with darkest green color toes win; bonus points for amputations.)

4. Hunting (I think there’s already an event which involves cross-country skiing for awhile, then shooting a gun at a target. They could just modify this event to include actual hunting).

3. Cutting wood with a chainsaw

2. Igloo building

..and the #1 Winter Oympic event they don't have but should have...

1. Licking a metal pole, and seeing who can get their tongue unstuck the fastest. Torn skin results in immediate disqualification.

As A Public Service...

2006-02-07T18:35:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those days where you really just want to slap someone, but the rules of society just won't allow it?

We've all been there. And it can cause a lot of frustration, let me tell ya!

So, in an effort to help all of our quests for better mental health, I've provided the following clip of one penguin doing what many of us feel like doing, but sometimes can't. Just watching the clip below can help me deal with my own desires, as I imagine myself as the "slapper," and various people who annoy me playing the role of the "slappee."

Feel free to bookmark this page, and come back here often as the need arises!

Insurance Part II: I've Received Divine Confirmation!

2006-02-05T19:23:00.000-08:00

Moments ago, I received this photo in an email from a concerned friend. I'm taking this as divine confirmation that it's time to get a new auto insurance company...

The Devil Sells Auto Insurance

2006-02-03T11:38:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe my title is a little harsh. Then again, maybe not.

I was paying bills this morning, and clicked to my car insurance site to pay that bill. To my dismay, my insurance has gone up - not just a little, but an enormous amount. I mean, the insurance policy on the Space Shuttle has to be less than this. And neither one of my cars are capable of space flight (the Mini is cool, but not THAT cool).

So I called my agent, who was clueless as usual. He said he'd check, then called me back later to explain that because of two accidents (very, very, very minor ones, in the past two years, after NO accidents or incidents of any kind in over 20 years), my rates went up "a little." I guess to him, "more than double" and "a little" are synonymous.

I told him that while I was waiting for his return call, I got other insurance quotes and found a policy for less than half of what my current company is charging. My agent began to squirm, and asked the name of the new company, which I told him, and the amount, which I told him, to which he responded in a panic, "Both cars??????" to which I said, "yes."

He now has until Monday to match the price, or he and his evil empire will be cast into the pit forever. MWAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

By the way, my current insurance company will remain nameless, but let's just say their name is somewhat related to an occupation that is popular in the midwest (FARMING), and people who do it are called FARMERS. But that's just a clue, and officially, I have not divulged the name of this evil organization.

My Brain

2006-01-26T22:42:00.000-08:00

Here's my brain BEFORE tonight's accounting class...

...and here's my brain AFTER tonight's accounting class...

Updates...

2006-01-24T12:19:00.000-08:00

Too busy right now to right anything funny and creative, but here's some life updates...

I passed my written and oral tests to work for Torrance Unified School District as a Paraeducator. That's a fancy name for "the guy who helps teachers with special needs kids." The kids could be from K - high school, with a variety of physical or emotional problems.

I got a call this morning about 4 openings, in 4 different schools, asking me if I was interested to interview. I said yes to two of them, no to the other two. If neither of those work out, I'll be substituting as a Paraeducator for awhile until the right position comes up. There's apparently a high need right now.

Still teaching piano, and haven't wrecked or discouraged anyone too badly yet with that;

Still going to Biola, finished Management Information Systems, starting Managerial Accounting this Thursday, and I'm in the process of enrolling at El Camino College to pick up a World History class on Wednesday nights (to be transferred to Biola);

Also, I'll be taking an apologetics class at Biola's LaMirada campus on Monday nights soon for about 7 or 8 weeks;

I'll be taking an online Bible Class at Calvary Chapel College in the next month or so, which will transfer to Biola;

Still homeschooling;

Kelley's still working, but no new tattoos yet.

That's it for now!

My Wife's Left Foot

2006-01-14T23:13:00.000-08:00

After years of thinking about it, Kelley finally did it today. She got a tattoo.

We actually, as a family, spent the afternoon at a tattoo parlor in beautiful downtown San Pedro. Definitely not the kind of family outing my family would have done when I was growing up in a conservative Southern Baptist pastor's home. It's a little different world than I normally hang out in, but it was a pretty interesting place. A good coffee bar wouldn't have killed them, but oh well.

I dropped the girls off and went to park the car. Then when I came in, the receptionist didn't know I was with Kelley and Courtney, so she asked if she could help me. I said, "Yes, I'd like to get my ears and nipples done, please." But I don't think I was believable.

In tattoo parlors, you won't find...

Magazines like Time, Newsweek or Sports Illustrated. Or Dog Owner's World or Martha Stewart Living or Modern Bride. (Instead, you'll find several publications that feature tattoo-related articles and photos).

You also won't find people who dress like me. Hey, I'm not a nerdy dresser, but I was a little out of my clothing element there. Maybe my good friend Fr. Rich could hang there; he wears a lot of black.

You are likely to find...

Friendly, outgoing people who are very comfortable in their own (decorated) skin;

Strange smells resulting from various inks, cigarette smoke, and the smell of burning flesh;

Occasional sounds representing pain;

Cool products like "Tattoo Goo;"

Women in their late 30's to late 40's, coming in to ask questions because they're thinking about getting tattoos.

So after my first visit to So Cal Tattoos, I can honestly say this is one art form that's definitely not for me. However, as a guy who really enjoys artists of all kinds, these are some pretty interesting people that I wouldn't mind hanging out with again. Maybe I can get Kelley to get another one.

Anyway, for all your tattooing, piercing and other body art needs, visit...
So Cal Tattoo

Green Glowing Pigs

2006-01-12T23:33:00.000-08:00

This has got to be one of the wierdest things I've ever seen. I'm completely speechless. (click on the title to read the article).

Maybe I can get a few of these and have them stand in my front yard next Christmas.

What They Don't Tell You About "Adult Degree Completion Programs"

2006-01-12T00:47:00.000-08:00

The key word is "adult." Meaning, "much older than normal college students."

Which translates to - "not ready yet for the seniors menu at Denny's, but a little too old to be keeping up with all this wacky homework!"

It's cool. One class is finished, the next one will be finished by this time next week. My final project is almost done and ready to present to the class. It's working - but I'm obviously not 20 years old anymore!

Award Shows We Don't Have, But Should

2006-01-10T00:42:00.000-08:00

I have mixed feelings about awards shows. On the one hand, it seems we go through an awful lot of trouble the first three months of the year to pat ourselves on the back for trivial accomplishments. I mean, it's just entertainment, for heaven's sake. So, the whole awards show thing is a bit odd to me to begin with.

However, it seems to me that even with the plethora of award shows we have, we might as well add a few more. Here are my suggestions for more award shows:

1. The White Music Awards - it's time someone spoke up about this, and I'm qualified. I'm White, and I'm a musician. We have awards shows catering to Black music, and to Latin music. I'm not begrudging the rightful recipients of those fine awards, however, White people are being left out. The show could be held in the midwest somewhere.

2. The "Who In Their Right Mind Would Watch This" Awards - includes such fine productions as The Surreal Life, and many of the UPN shows.

3. The Animated Awards - this is a cool idea. There should be an awards show for animated characters - Bart Simpson, Hank Hill, etc. There could be awards for best lead animated actor, best supporting animated actor, and best animated cameo appearance by an actual celebrity drawn to look like an animated character. Also, there could be lifetime achievement awards for characters like Fred Flintstone and George Jetson. AND, the awards show itself should be animated! That would be really cool - when characters' names are announced, they could run up to the stage from their seats with that cool cartoon running sound, and the losers could get mad and hit each other with frying pans.

4. The "Dumb Things Said & Done By Religious People Awards" - There's a lot to work with here - Pat Robertson, the SBC Hurricane Volunteers who wouldn't give water in Busch-labeled cans, The American Family Association, etc. (Just to be fair, I have to say there are things I've said and done that would probably qualify me for that award)

5. The C-Span Awards - probably not a big ratings grabber, but obviously people watch those channels. The awards show could be scheduled for 2 or 3 a.m., when C-Span nerds are still awake, watching senators vote.

6. The "Paid Programming" Awards - late at night when I can't sleep and I'm looking for something to watch, I've noticed that channel after channel simply has the words "Paid Programming." Clearly, this is a growing genre of entertainment which should be recognized.

7. The Movie Theater Food Awards - Hey, it's still entertainment-related. Categories could include "Most Realistic Looking Nacho Cheese," "Most Expensive Popcorn," and "Largest Soft Drink Cup."

8. The "I Know You're Famous, But What Exactly For?" Awards - contenders include Star Jones, Paris Hilton, and many of the Expert Guest Commentors on CNN.

9. The Most Bizzarre Singing Performance in a Film Role Awards - my vote continues to be with Margot Kidder in the first "Superman" film, for her unbelievable performance of "Can You Read My Mind?"

10. The Celebrity Combination Name Awards - I'm referring of course to such names as "Brangelina" (Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie), and "Tomkat" (Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes). There aren't a huge amount of these name combinations out there yet, but I think there should be. If there was an awards show for it, I'm sure the practice would really take off and we'd see some really cool combinations. I'm thinking about introducing Kelley and I as "Chelley."

Cool Quote of the Week

2006-01-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

David Letterman to Fox News guy Bill O'Reilly:

"I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have a feeling that 60% of what you say is crap."

I need to find a way to work that into a conversation.

Mooning Deemed "Disgusting but Legal" in Maryland

2006-01-04T09:05:00.000-08:00

This is too important not to mention.

If you happen to be in Maryland, and happen to get so angry, or so drunk, that you feel the need to drop your pants and show your keyster to someone, you can relax knowing that you won't face criminal prosecution.

My favorite quote from the story...

"James Maxwell, one of McNealy's attorneys, said yesterday's ruling should "bring comfort to all beachgoers and plumbers" in the state."

I repeat - Mooning is O.K. in Maryland. That may become their new state motto. Or, "Come Enjoy the Moon(s) Over Maryland." It would look great on a license plate. As long as there's no photo or graphic representation. Also, whenever any Maryland Denny's sells an order of "Moons Over My Hammy," the server can now actually moon the customer while serving the order.

I just hope this doesn't crack open a host of other problems. And personally, I don't think the woman should have ever sued the mooner for the mooning incident; she should have turned the other cheek. I'm afraid we haven't heard the end of this - no doubt the lawmakers in Maryland are going to want to get to the bottom of this incident. (sound of rim shot..."thank you, thank you... I'll be performing here all week. Thank you and good night.)

Driving Miss Courtney

2005-12-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

Question: What do you get when you combine a 15-yr-old girl (right), with 1000's of pounds of steel (left - my car, only a different color)?

Answer: COURTNEY'S FIRST TIME DRIVING WITH DAD!!!

Courtney had her first official driving lesson today, with a trained, licensed instructor approved by the state of California. When she returned two hours later, after her first ever two hours operating a vehicle, a small Toyota Corolla (a fine little car, but much smaller than the Jeep I drive), her brilliant dad said, "Hey, wanna drive to Starbucks?" That's where the fun began!

Before we got out the door, she held out her hand, for the keys. Now, I realize she needs the keys, but I have to say the whole thing just felt a little too eager for me. Was it my imagination, or were the keys snatched from my trembling hand? Anyway, we got in the car, and I carefully explained how to adjust everything - the seat, the mirrors, etc. She started the car and gently pulled out onto the street, and then we turned left.

Following that left turn, I began to speak in tongues. It sounded something like this:

"o.k.movetothemiddleyou'retooclosetothecarontheright,movetothemiddle moveto-themiddle-MOVETOTHE-MIDDLEYOU'REGOINGTOHITTHECARS ONTHERIGHT -o.k.goodjobyou'redoinggreato.k.- slowdownslowdownslowdownSLOWDOWNSLOWDOWNthat'safour-way stopsignslowdownforthedip,goodjob,babe."

We made it to Starbucks, got our necessary caffiene, then went to the store to get milk. At that point it was dark, so I took over (reluctantly, of course).

It was a stressful time, but I have to admit it was fun. Even more important, I have to report that both objects, the girl and the car, still look the way they looked before our little driving session!

Another Magical Coffee Moment

2005-12-30T17:11:00.000-08:00

This has only happened to me one other time this year... that magical zone when the coffee is beyond perfect. Travel with me, back in time...

http://pastorafiki.blogspot.com/2005/10/one-of-those-coffee-mysteries.html

It happened again this afternoon, at Borders. Which is kind of a miracle, because ever since they remodeled their cafe, the coffee has been almost good, not horrible, but not great. Today, however, was a different story.

I went in, waited in line, looking around at the crowded cafe. There were no empty tables. I figured I'd sit outside. I got to the counter, and ordered a medium coffee. The girl who got it mistakenly gave me a small mug, whereupon I screamed my head off at her and told her about it (not really; I politely pointed out that I ordered a medium. That's all I did).

She couldn't find any clean medium mugs, and gave me a large. Pretty cool. Then, when I tried the coffee, it was the best coffee I've had in that place - possibly among the top ten cups of coffee I've had in the year 2005. Then, a table opened up and I grabbed it, pushing an elderly man out of the way to get it (again, I'm kidding).

It was a beautiful thing.

Confidence to Act

2005-12-29T23:52:00.000-08:00

Today's blog is from Eric Bryant, Associate Pastor of Mosaic

It was taken from a recent sermon of Eric's, and I copied it from the Mosaic website, which also serves as a blog. Here it is...

Confidence To Act

Have you ever thought that Joseph was a wimp?

Joseph shrunk back once he heard Mary was pregnant. He thought the righteous response to her pregnancy was to divorce her quietly, leaving her to raise her baby as a single mother. He could have talked to her before making a decision. He could have sought to reach out and love her before condemning her. He could have persevered through this rough time rather than giving up on this relationship.

An angel stepped into history to keep Joseph from giving into his fear saying, “Don’t be afraid to go ahead with your marriage to Mary.” The angel convinced Joseph to do what his heart had already led him to do.

How often is it that we know what we should do, but fear keeps us from moving forward?

So often, God seems to call us to do that which is most difficult rather than that which is easiest. It is easier to give up. Enduring is miraculous.

May we all crash forward,

Eric Bryant

Why I Should Host the Oscars

2005-12-26T17:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it turns out Billy Crystal is too busy to host this year, and consequently the Oscar organizers are still trying to find someone. Plus, Chris Rock already turned them down, so they're getting down to the wire here. However...

I'M AVAILABLE. I CAN DO IT. CALL ME!

Top Ten Reasons Why I'd Be a Good Oscar Host:

10. I live in the area, so there'd be no travel expenses to get me there. (plus, I was right across the street from the Kodak Theater a few weeks ago, so I probably won't get lost getting there);

9. I'll bring Starbucks for the crew;

8. I saw a few movies this year, so I'm somewhat aware of what's going on; AND...

7. I saw ONLY a few movies this year, so I'm not so emotionally involved in them that I can't be an impartial, professional host;

6. I'm able/willing to learn to play the various movie themes on the piano, so the organizers could save money by not hiring an orchestra;

5. I'm sort of anal about time and scheduling, so I could help keep the event moving. Heck, I bet I could bring the entire show in under 30 minutes;

4. Whereas Billy Crystal is too busy, I'm NOT too busy. I mean, I'm kind of busy, but not as busy as he is (as long as the thing isn't on a Thursday night);

3. Kelley and Courtney could hang out backstage and meet famous people;

2. Because I'm pretty much a shorts/hoodie/t-shirt guy, I could add a nice, cozy, casual feeling to the event. However, if necessary, I'm willing to wear a tux. I've actually worn them before, and I don't exactly look horrible;

and the #1 reason why I should host the Oscars...

1. I'm willing to do it for half the money Billy Crystal gets - that would still be much more than I could ever make in a year, so everyone wins here!!

CAUTION!!!

2005-12-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

The Lovely Miss Courtney (see photo, right) now has a driver's permit.

Please use caution in the area below...

End of the Year Apologies

2005-12-20T10:13:00.000-08:00

I thought it might be fitting at this time of year to apologize to all the people I've offended this year.

Then I thought,

NO WAY!!! Are you kidding me????

There are a bunch of people who owe ME apologies, and here are some of them...

1. McDonalds for changing their coffee

2. Mosaic, for cancelling their Saturday night services, thereby causing me a great deal of inconvenience (although they're still the coolest church ever - http://mosaic.org )

3. Fox for cancelling "Arrested Development"

4. Borders for letting Seattle's Best take over their cafe

5. The State of California for letting 15 1/2 year olds get driving permits

6. Torrance High School for allowing boys to attend

7. Amazon.com for being available 24/7, thereby costing me a lot of money

8. Taylor Guitars for not choosing my name in the drawing to win the $6000 30th Anniversary Model, which would have made me play a lot better than I play now

9. Denominational officials who can't think, much less think outside the box

10. Credit card companies who seem to think they have a right to ask me for money every month.

It Took Awhile This Year, But...

2005-12-18T20:34:00.000-08:00

OUR TREE'S UP.

Here's a picture of the tree....

...and here's a picture of the tree after a psycho elf ran in front of it...

NEW DAY

2005-12-15T00:36:00.000-08:00

Everything's different at this moment than 24 hours ago.

24 hours ago:

I was coughing like a cigar-smoking, coal-mining cat with tuberculosis;

I had five million assignments due for Thursday night's class;

I was frustrated about homeschool stuff;

I didn't know when we were going to get our Christmas tree.

Tonight:

I haven't coughed in several hours;

I've finished all my assignments and emailed them in;

We made good homeschool strides today;

We gave our busy selves permission to get our tree Sunday night.

Twenty-four hours ago, I felt like this guy...

Now, I feel like this guy!!

Coughing Sucks

2005-12-13T22:13:00.000-08:00

I've had the flu for a few weeks. It very well could be that bird flu thing.

I'm almost over it though; I feel a lot better today than yesterday. Except for the cough. Coughing is the worst thing in the world.

My wife, Nurse Kelley, had this to say about my coughing tonight...

"I think once you start coughing it causes you to spasm and it's a vicious cycle and it's like this cough reflex. You just keep coughing because you're coughing."

In other words, coughing makes me cough. If I could just stop coughing, then I wouldn't cough anymore. Sounds like a profound grasp of the obvious to me.

Fortunately, not only do we know what makes me cough (i.e., coughing), we now have this industrial strength uber-cough-medicine that's supposed to make me stop. Anyway, in the meantime, let's not waste a good blog opportunity.

Fun times to cough:

When you're playing the guitar and leading a bunch of people in songs (like me on Sunday night) and thinking, "this is going well - I haven't coughed yet," and then exploding into a coughing fit during the last song.

In the middle of the night, in bed, when your spouse has to get up at the crack of dawn to go to work.

While performing music at a convalescent home with a bunch of old sick people.

While performing music at a children's hospital with a bunch of young sick people.

While trying to study at Borders, surrounded by a bunch of serious, studious Asian people who are also trying to study.

When you're on the phone with someone who's asking how you're feeling, and while you're telling them you're doing much better, you can't stop coughing.

Well, (hack hack) gotta go (hack hack) bye for now!

Mattel Does More Than Sell Toys

2005-12-10T15:31:00.000-08:00

Today I spent the morning with employees from Mattel Toys, headquartered near here in El Segundo, Ca.

For the past 15 years, I've been working with a group of employee volunteers at Mattel, who get together every Christmas season to learn songs and go sing them at various charity events. Community involvement is a high value at Mattel.

Today we sang at a family services center in Hawthorne, and then jumped on the freeway and hurried to a party at UCLA Children's Hospital (aka Mattel Children's Hospital). While we were singing at UCLA, this little boy, around 7 or 8 years old, decided to come up and sing with us. Then after every song, he would walk down the line of singers and shake everyone's hand individually, then get back to his spot with the sopranos to sing the next song! It was very funny and we were having as much fun with him as he was with us.

That's the kind of stuff you love at Christmas.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

2005-12-09T04:11:00.000-08:00

I had a chance to see a preview of this film tonight - or this morning actually; we went to a supposed midnight showing at the El Capitan Theater in Hollywood, but it didn't get started until around 1 a.m. Now it's 4-something and I'm trying wind down.

I can't recommend the film highly enough. Of course, since I understand the allegory of what Aslan the Lion represents, I'm kind of biased.

But go see it. It'll make you laugh and it'll make you cry, for all the right reasons.

P.S.... There are also talking Beavers with British accents. How cool is that?

Boycotts Are Easy

2005-12-06T22:30:00.000-08:00

The American Family Association, a Christian political activist group, was threatening to boycott Ford Motor Company for being too "gay friendly." Here's a quote from Forbes

"The American Family Association first announced the boycott against Ford and related brands on May 31. The group said Ford gave thousands of dollars to gay rights groups, offered benefits to same-sex couples and actively recruited gay employees.

After a spring meeting with a group of Ford dealers, the association said in June that it was suspending its boycott until at least the beginning of December.

The Human Rights Campaign, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and other gay rights groups expressed concern about reports there was a secret deal between Ford and the American Family Association to end Ford's advertising in gay media."

So the nutshell is - the American Family Association was bent with Ford because Ford offered benefits to same-sex couples, and because they were advertising some of their vehicles in gay magazines. The AFA told Ford, "Knock off the gay crap, or we'll organize a boycott. So there."

According to today's Forbes article, Ford says their decision to pull ads from gay magazines wasn't related to the threat of a boycott. Yeah, right. Whatever.

I'm a Christian. I think homosexuality is wrong. HOWEVER...

I just want to say the American Family Association doesn't represent me. Unlike them, I realize that Ford is a SECULAR BUSINESS. It's not a church. It's not a religious organization. Ford doesn't owe me anything. For some reason, it doesn't occur to me that I have the right to tell a SECULAR BUSINESS how and where to advertise, nor do I have the right to tell a SECULAR BUSINESS who to offer health benefits to. It also doesn't enter my mind that Ford needs to run their policies by me or my Christian friends before making business decisions.

In addition, I don't think our culture is made any worse by gay people having the opportunity to see Ford ads (and possibly own and drive Fords), and I don't think our culture is worsened by gay couples having medical insurance. They get sick; doctors are expensive. Who's going to cover the cost if they can't have insurance - the American Family Association? Somehow I don't see that happening.

Oh wait - maybe the hope is that if gay people get really sick, and can't get insurance and can't afford to go to the doctor, they'll realize that if only they weren't gay they could have insurance and then maybe they'll change. What a cool strategy.

I don't recall Jesus making homosexuality the focus of his ministry. He didn't seem to be nearly as afraid of it as we are. I don't recall him organizing boycotts.

Jesus said, "I'm here to fix people's basic problem. They need to get reunited with the God who made them so they can live the life he passionately wants them to live." When Jesus finished his work, he told his guys, "Go get other people to follow me. " Why? Because that's the main thing.

Boycotts weren't part of the disciples' instructions. Jesus didn't say, "Go get people to follow me. And by the way, if some of the people who don't follow me bother you (like those annoying homosexuals or companies who try to sell cars to them), boycott them and try to wreck their businesses until you make them act like they follow me, even though they don't yet. That'll get their attention. Then, maybe you can get them to follow me."

Boycotts are easy. Any idiot can throw those tantrums. What's harder is actually making friends with people who are broken and who don't like God because they don't like the people who represent him. ...

I want to be a guy who changes people's minds about God and inspires them to consider getting to know him.

Blog Challenge

2005-12-03T08:58:00.000-08:00

POSSIBILE PHOTO CAPTIONS:

Future home of Starbucks in beautiful downtown Tijuana, Mexico!

Future home of All Saint's Church.

Charley & Kelley's vacation home in Maui.

If this building scares you, you should see the big hand that comes out of the sky and pours the darn thing!

An actual photograph from Genesis 6 - "There were giants on the earth in those days." Here we see an another unfortunate incident where a giant has decided to camp in some innocent person's yard.

The photo below shows yet another Giant Intrusion - due to a wicked slice, a giant's golfball has landed in an amusement park...

The Twilight Zone of Education

2005-11-30T23:02:00.000-08:00

If you never see me again, here's what probably happened. I've disappeared into the Educational Twilight Zone.

Thursday, Dec., 1st, due to a last-minute schedule change, I'll be...

1. helping at Crossroad Academy from 8:30 to 3 pm with Christmas program rehearsal;

2. teaching piano from 3:00 - 5:30;

3. attending class at Biola from 6pm - 10 pm.

It was nice knowing all of you.

Bonding with Garth

2005-11-27T23:32:00.000-08:00

It hurts me to admit this, but **Garth and I had a bonding moment tonight.

It turns out he likes "Napoleon Dynamite" as much as I do! To make it even more fun, Courtney hates the movie!!

Life is good.

**For information on Garth, see

http://pastorafiki.blogspot.com/2005/11/like-starbucks-like-spying-have-i-got.html

New Bibles

2005-11-26T22:44:00.000-08:00

Recently on an internet group I frequent, someone was asking for suggestions for a good study Bible. A study Bible, for those who don't know, is a Bible with all kinds of added notes and other stuff to help you study it, understand it, and possibly teach it.

A lot of good ideas were given, because there are a lot of different Bibles out there. For example, and I'm not making any of these up - The Open Bible, The Spirit Filled Bible, The African Heritage Study Bible, The Men's Study Bible, The Women's Study Bible, etc. This is a good time to be in the Bible business. Nothing like making a good buck from the Good Book.

So here are a few of my own ideas for Bibles, which, as far as I know, have not yet been published. Just so there's no confusion, I was NOT making up the above list; however, I AM making up the list below:

The ADD Study Bible (ADDSB) - The books and chapters of the Bible are in random order. No two copies of the ADDSB are the same.

The Closed Bible (CB) - Because there actually is a Bible called "The Open Bible," someone had to come up with this as a joke. It literally won't open; there's binding all around, and you literally have to tear up the cover to use it. It also fits into your bookcase at any angle.

The Dog's Study Bible (DSB) - all the pages are there, but they're already torn up to save your dog the effort. Available in chicken or beef flavor.

The Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Study Bible (OCDSB) - comes in 65 volumes, due to extreme length. All the chapters are repeated numerous times, just to make sure nothing is missed. Adding to the length is the fact that it contains the King James, NASB, NIV, NRSV, Message, and 46 other translations.

The Blog Study Bible (BSB) - available only online, of course. Everyone just writes in whatever they want. The constant change makes it a nice supplement for those who also enjoy the ADD Study Bible.

The Diversity Study Bible (aka the Gay & Lesbian Study Bible) (DSB/GLSB) - all references to homosexuality have been removed or updated. Also, comes with really cool covers in a variety of fabrics and textures.

The Napoleon Dynamite Study Bible (NDSB) - this is one flippin' sweet Bible. Among other quirky features, the cover (made from cargo pants) contains a pocket for tator tots (not included).

The Chicken Soup for the Bible Lovers Study Bible (CSBLSB) - all commands, warnings and harsh stuff have been removed. Just the warm fuzzy stories, and some of the Psalms (the happy ones). This one is pretty short.

The Interpretive Dance Study Bible (IDSB) - this one is very unusual, and also very big, as it contains numerous large, vinyl, fold-out pages. For every Bible story and for many of the Psalms, interpretive dance instructions are given, along with actual life-size footprint diagrams, on the vinyl fold-out pages. Also available - The Interpretive Dance Study Bible Costume Supplementary Guide (IDSBCSG), which gives wardrobe suggestions. This cool Biblical study system will turn your Bible reading into a work of performance art!

What if "The Last Supper" Had Taken Place on Thanksgiving?

2005-11-23T17:39:00.000-08:00

Just a wacky idea that came to my wacky mind. If the Last Supper had taken place on Thanksgiving, here are some things that might have happened...

There would have been a separate, folding, kids table.

Someone would have asked, "Hey Jesus, is your family coming?" And Jesus would have said, "Just my mom. The rest of my family thinks I'm crazy."

When Jesus brought up the "one of you will betray me" thing, John would have said, "Come on, Master! It's Thanksgiving; let's not dwell on the negative!"

One of the disciples' wives would have been responsible for cooking the turkey. It would have turned out great, and everyone would have loved it. But when people complimented her about the turkey, she would have said things like, "You know, I was worried about it because those stone ovens can be so unreliable."

When Jesus said, "Arise, let's be going," several of the disciples would have groaned and said, "I can't move! I'm stuffed!" (Those would have been the same guys who later fell asleep while Jesus prayed).

Someone would have brought dinner rolls, but not enough. So Jesus would have taken the one bag of rolls, and turned it into enough to feed 5000 people.

While Jesus explained the Holy Spirit and other details to the disciples, the disciples' wives would have been washing dishes in another room.

When Judas left, the other disciples would have assumed he had gone to 7-11 (the only store open) to get Cool Whip, which someone forgot.

When Jesus washed Peter's feet, his response would have been, "Not just my feet, but my hands as well, because I spilled yams on the way over here."

Several of the disciples' wives would have gotten together and decided, "Next year, we're going out!!"

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Like Starbucks? Like Spying? Have I Got an Opportunity for You!!

2005-11-18T19:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it seems there's now A BOY. Even worse, this BOY and my little girl are officially "going out." I'm not sure what all that entails, but it can't be good.

The BOY's name is "Garth." I'm only aware of two people named Garth; one is a friend of mine and he's like 35, so I'm pretty sure he's not the one. That leaves only one other "Garth", this guy from Wayne's World...

You can imagine my fear.

Anyway, a lot of fathers would be freaking out now, and even going to such lengths as to follow their daughters and spy on this whole "going out" thing. Not me; I'm much too sophisticated for that. That's where you come in.

I'll give a Starbucks card to anyone who's willing to discreetly follow Courtney and "Garth" around on their dates. You have to be clever and sneaky; they can't know you're spying on them. The offer is void if they catch you.

Of course, the great thing is I know literally hundreds of people that Courtney doesn't know, so that means lots of you are eligible to do this thing for me. Think of that wonderful, aromatic Starbucks flavor, plus think of the fun you'll have watching Courtney and "Garth." I almost wish I was the one doing the spying, but of course, I'm much too sophisticated for that.

In Light of Recent Developments...

2005-11-14T14:16:00.000-08:00

In light of recent developments at my house (which I won't elaborate here), I've come across the following information, which I will share with you.

I'd seen this before, but it's suddenly more applicable to our situation. Again, I won't elaborate.

8 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER by: W. Bruce Cameron

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up!

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, some say we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is... "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are NOT appropriate for a date with my daughter:

Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romance or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Pat Robertson's Dumb Idea Could Be Fun

2005-11-11T11:19:00.000-08:00

Pat Robertson is at it again. This time he's telling an entire town in Pennsylvania that God's gonna get them because they won't teach intelligent design in their classrooms. Here's a short quote...

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Conservative Christian televangelist Pat Robertson told citizens of a Pennsylvania town that they had rejected God by voting their school board out of office for supporting "intelligent design" and warned them on Thursday not to be surprised if disaster struck. "

Here's the link... http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051110/ts_nm/religion_robertson_dc

Of course, this is silly. And it's also sad, because since Pat is so high profile, it's just another mark on Christians, making us look like idiots. As my friend Greg Koukl said recently on his radio apologetics show, "Christianity is already offensive; let's not make it more so."

Anyway, this got me thinking... wouldn't it be fun if this kind of thing actually worked, i.e., we could say it to people and they'd believe us and act accordingly? Wouldn't it be cool if we could actually get God to strike disaster on people if they bugged us? I can think of several ways this would be useful. We could threaten God's judgment on...

1. Blockbuster Video when they don't have anything good in stock;

2. Starbucks when you're in a hurry and they say, "If you don't mind waiting, we need to brew a fresh pot;"

3. The producers of "Prison Break" for their plans to stop showing new episodes from December through next May;

4. Church worship teams who don't tune their guitars;

5. McDonalds for changing their good coffee to their new, gourmet-but-horrible blend;

6. CD manufacturers for making it nearly impossible to open a new CD;

7. That woman in a Honda CRV last week who, while talking and laughing on her cell phone, meandered obliviously around the Shell station parking lot while I was trying to get out, always managing to just happen to get in front of me, and then continued to indiscriminately change lanes on Torrance Blvd so I couldn't get away from her;

Of course, I'd try to show mercy as well - if any of the above offenders repented, I'd relent and turn away from my anger, to use a Biblical phrase (with the possible exception of #7).

So if you're reading this Pat Robertson - you're definitely a wacko, but you have given me some good ideas. Keep up the good work.

It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

2005-11-09T10:01:00.000-08:00

Just when I was running out of blog topics, things have taken a turn for the better.

"Home Depot has been sued by a man who claims the chain's store in Louisville, Colo., ignored his cries for help after he became glued to a toilet seat as part of a prank."

To read the rest of this sordid tale, click on the title to this blog, and you'll be redirected to WFTV.com, News of the Strange.

O.K., this just brings up so many questions for me...

1. Wouldn't the guy have noticed some sort of substance on the toilet seat, and tried to clean it first?

2. If I were glued to a toilet seat in a public place, such as Home Depot, would I start yelling for help? Couldn't a less humiliating solution be found?

3. If I were glued to a toilet seat in Home Depot, and then had to yell for help and make even more of a spectacle of myself, would I make it worse by filing a lawsuit and getting my name in the paper? Is this really what I want to known for???

4. Finally...

"The Home Depot is headquartered in Atlanta, and describes itself as the second-largest retailer in the country -- with sales of more than $73 billion during fiscal year 2004."

If you want to move out of the #2 spot and become #1, Home Depot, is this really the way to do that?

(Of course, there are many #2 vs. #1 jokes bathroom jokes to be made here, but I'll let the readers come up with those for themselves.)

Oh by the way, after being accused by a certain denominational P.R. official of being an "irresponsible blogger," I've decided it's time for the "tide" to turn on my writing, and I felt it was important that I "lift the lid" on this important story.

Temporary Creative Dead End

2005-11-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

Well, today I thought I should write something new, since my last "Apology" blog has been up for quite a while.

Anyway, I have no ideas today. Today's article can simply be considered a "place-holder."

I'm busy taking courses at Biola, which is a beautiful thing. I'm also busy teaching music at Crossroad Academy, plus homeschooling the lovely Courtney, plus doing a music project for Mattel, plus doing a few things for Young Life. All those are beautiful things.

But all those beautiful things have made me a little busy lately. I promise that soon, like within days, I'll probably find something that makes me laugh enough, or bugs me enough, to write about.

It shouldn't take long. As long as there are Southern Baptists, or Country Music Artists, or places that serve bad coffee, there's plenty of material out there! (I've heard that sometimes, all three of those things exist in the same place!)

An Apology, and a Comment

2005-11-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I posted a sarcastic rant about the Southern Baptist volunteers helping hurricane victims in Florida. It seems that a supply of water was donated to their site, with the Anheiser-Busch logo on it. Because the containers had the A/B logo, the host church pastor felt it would be inappropriate to distribute those particular containers of water, so he set it aside.

Here's the link, in case you want to read it...

http://pastorafiki.blogspot.com/2005/10/years-after-leaving-them-i-continue-to.html

One of my responses came from Keith Hinson, public relations associate, Alabama Baptist Convention State Board of Missions, Montgomery, Alabama. You can also read his comments at the above link.

So, here's the apology...

In spite of the water/label issue, there's no getting around the fact that the SBC volunteers were there, on site, giving their time to help people who really needed them. I in no way want to take that away from them. In fact, the water thing has made so much news that it has overshadowed the kindness these volunteers have extended. So I want to apologize for not bringing that out.

I also need to emphasize, as Mr. Hinson pointed out in his comments to me, that there was a surplus of water donated to this particular work site, and there was apparently more than enough to give away without using the A/B-labeled water. So no one went without water because of the SBC volunteers' decision.

I also want to apologize for not getting more facts before writing about this. Although the news article emphasized what WASN'T done - i.e., giving out the A/B labeled water, it minimized what WAS done - people who love Jesus helping other people. For, I want to thank the volunteers and express my admiration for them.

Now, here are my comments...

There was a period of time in my ministry when I probably would have made the same decision as the pastor in this story; I would have refused to give out the A/B water. That wouldn't be my decision now; I'd give it away. Offhand, I can't think of any water I would refuse to give away, regardless of the supplier.

In being a Christian leader, I occasionally have to make decisions about issues of right and wrong; in addition, I often have to make decisions about what I want to be known for. If I want to remain effective in my community for the long term, I need to have a relationship with lots of people, Christian or not. There's no question that to the many people helped by the SBC volunteers' efforts, these people are known for being loving and caring. And that may be the main thing.

But to many others, in the Clewiston community and around the country, that kindness has been overshadowed by what appears to be an unnecessary religious principle. That's what concerns me here.

Anyway, in the future, while I'll still write about issues that are of interest to me, and while I'll still freely post my opinions, I'll be more careful to get the whole story straight before posting.

I'm Not O.K. With Just Being O.K.

2005-10-31T23:18:00.000-08:00

I had a chance this past Sunday night to attend my favorite church - Mosaic. Here's a link if you want to check it out...

www.mosaic.org

Erwin's sermon was pretty great, and fortunately the podcast for this week's message is already available! You can go to I-tunes, go to "podcasts," type in "mosaic," and it'll happen. Or you can get it from the Mosaic site. Technology is a beautiful thing.

So I listened to parts of it again, and I transcribed some of it here. Let me just lay this quote on you...

"One of the things that Jesus does for us is he gives us the kind of focus that allows us to not just resist all the destructive options that are out there, but to not be distracted by all the secondary options that are out there...

A lot of us aren’t burning our lives away on horrific evil. Most of us are wasting our lives away on meaningless activity.

I think the greatest sin that haunts many people who are sincere followers of Christ is just being average. We’re just O.K. with being O.K."

I wish I could say that I've lived my whole life according to this principle. But there have been many times where my ambition and drive just seems to fade out, and I accept the mundane and the OK even though it's the most boring thing in the world.

But there have also been those times where OK wasn't OK - where "good enough" wasn't, and where I felt that if I had to spend one more day at the level I was at, I was going to explode. That's why in college I practiced the piano 3-4 hours a day; that's why earlier this year I left a position at a church that excelled at being OK.

This week, even today, aim for something spectacular. Maybe you'll hit it; maybe you won't. But aim there anyway.

Is It Just Me, Or...

2005-10-30T15:39:00.000-08:00

...is Mel Gibson (left) starting to look sort of like Saddam Hussein (right)?

For All You Aspiring Songwriters...

2005-10-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

In spite of all the moral issues, "Friends" was a pretty funny show. But as good as it was, I really wish they had spent more time with Phoebe's songs!

The other day I stumbled across a few sites that have the lyrics, and audio files, of most of Phoebe's songs. Click on this blog's title to access one of them.

If you're an aspiring songwriter, there's a lot here for you to learn. Phoebe was an amazing writer, and a creative performer.

Here's one of my personal favorites...

"Barnyard Animals"

Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo"
Oh the cow in the meadow goes "moo"
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up
And that's how we get hamburgers.
Noooowwwww chickens!

Now there's a song! You won't find stuff like this anywhere else, especially on any of those country music stations.

Years After Leaving Them, I Continue to Learn From the Southern Baptists!

2005-10-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

When I was a pastor, speaking every week, sometimes I'd have to explain some Biblical characters known as "Pharisees." There were a lot of descriptive features of the Pharisees, but in a nutshell, these guys were so religious that their religion essentially made them useless to a hurting world around them. Needless to say, Jesus had a problem with these guys.

I grew up in the Southern Baptist Church. I'll give them credit, because I learned a lot of valuable information from them. Tonight, I learned something else - I learned from their example just what a Pharisee is.

Read the excerpt below from nbc-2.com, a Florida online news service. It seems a group of Southern Baptists were in a hurricane-ravaged area to help people, and that's where the fun began!

CLEWISTON — Hurricane victims who wanted water had some difficultly finding it at a relief station in Clewiston Friday. The volunteer group running a supply center doesn't like the company that donated the water, so they decided not to give it to those in line for help.

Twenty-two pallets of the canned water, distributed free by beer company Anheuser-Busch, bears the company's label – and members of the Southern Baptist Convention refused to hand it out to those in need.

Resident lined up for miles to receive food and water at the distribution point. But the water was left on the sidelines by the Alabama-based group.

"The pastor didn't want to hand out the Budweiser cans to people and that's his prerogative and I back him 100-percent," said SBC volunteer John Cook.

The SBC felt it was inappropriate to give the donation out, and they weren't happy when NBC2 wanted to know why.

"Why do you want to make that the issue? That's not the issue. The issue is that we're here trying to help people," Cook said.

No one disagrees with that, but the Red Cross says Anheuser-Busch is also trying to help.

The water has been available all along, but the SBC volunteers set it aside and few people knew it was available.

While the SBC is standing its ground, the Red Cross says water is water and they're now handing out the supplies.

The vice-president of operations for Anheuser-Busch, Mike Harding, released a statement on the donation Friday reading:

“As we have seen numerous times in recent years, safe drinking water is a critical need following natural disasters such as Hurricane Wilma. At the request of various relief agencies, Anheuser-Busch and its wholesalers have donated more than 9 million cans of drinking water since Hurricane Katrina hit in August, and when called on, we’ll continue to provide water to all victims of Wilma as long as it’s needed.”

"I don't think it makes a difference who gives it out. It's going to a good cause. It's going to help everyone," said storm victim Lisa Simmons.

And many victims are grateful Anheuser-Busch is stepping in to help.

UPDATE: Late Friday, as NBC2 was leaving Clewiston, we saw two members of the SBC handing out the canned water alongside the Red Cross.

Thanks, SBC volunteers. Sometimes it's so hard for me to explain Biblical truths to people. You've cleared this one up nicely by your example. I'll never struggle again with the definition of "Pharisee-ism."

Male Friendships vs. Female Friendships

2005-10-26T23:11:00.000-07:00

There are several features you’ll find in woman-to-woman friendships, that you won’t find in man-to-man friendships. For example…

1. Some women like to shop together, particularly if the women are in the 14-25 age bracket. This isn’t so much about obtaining necessary items, as it is a bonding experience. Men also share this bonding experience; however, don’t ADMIT they shop together. They won’t plan something like this. But it’s not unheard of for guys to be hanging out together, and one of them will say, “Hey, there’s a golf sale at Sportmart – let’s go check it out.” Let me tell ya – it’s not all about the golf stuff.

2. Hugging is common to men and women, but women hug their women friends differently than guys hug their guy friends. Woman-to-woman hugs are, well, normal; guy-to-guy hugs are either a) short and kind of self-conscious, or b) resembling some sort of football maneuver – a kind of crashing into one another and crushing of ribs. Guys in general need to work on their hugs. (I finally had to tell this one guy at church that he was hurting my back!)

3. Women friends will encourage one another on what they’re wearing (i.e., that looks cute on you). Guys will never say to one another, “Those pants look cute on you.” Also, a guy will never ask another guy, “Does this polo shirt make me look fat?”

4. Women will sometimes use the expression “Miss Thing” when a female friend looks or acts especially hip or cool. (I learned this from watching America's Next Top Model). Men, on the other hand, never refer to each other as “Mr. Thing.” “Mr. Thing” actually sounds like a name for a male body part, and we generally try not to bring that into everyday conversation.

5. Women will sometimes refer to other female friends as “girlfriend." Men, however, will never, under any circumstances, refer to another man as “boyfriend!”

When Blog Worlds Collide

2005-10-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

Since so many of my friends and aquaintances are blogging, and since many of them don't know each other, I thought it would be cool to "collide" them together!

So, every so often I'm going to write about the blogs I like to visit. Hopefully, you'll find something in them that's interesting as well. If not, oh well.

Today's "When Blog Worlds Collide" entry is from Roger Blackmore, a pastor in Long Island, N.Y. (or is it "ON" Long Island? I'm not sure. Anyway...)

Roger's blog is called "If I Had Known Then What I Know Now," and here's a link to an entry that I really liked:

http://rogerblackmore.blogspot.com/2005/10/barbara.html

Roger is from the U.K., Scotland I think, and I've had a chance to meet him on a few occasions when he's come out to California for conferences. A very cool guy, and someone who truly loves pastoring and making a difference for the Kingdom.

One of Those Coffee Mysteries

2005-10-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

This morning I had one of the best cups of coffee ever. It was from Starbucks, and it was a blend I've had many times, and it's always pretty decent.

But today was different. It was like all the mysterious coffee forces of the universe came together and produced the best-tasting cup of coffee ever!

Sometimes it just works like that. If you do all the right things - use good coffee, not too old, grind the beans fresh, use a good coffee maker, etc., you'll usually get a pretty good cup of coffee. But then there are those times when you do what you usually do, or go where you usually go, and the coffee isn't just good - it truly has something extraordinary about it. This morning was one of those times.

What could account for this phenomenon? Was it a better batch of beans from the grower? Was the ratio of coffee to water just slightly different? Did the guy at Starbucks forget to wash his hands before he came out of the restroom, thus adding an unusual flavor to the brew? Or was I just excited to be on my way to a church that lets me bring coffee into the service, thereby causing such a euphoria that made me believe the coffee was better than it actually was?

Could be any one of those factors, or all of them.

There are some things in life God tells us a lot about. Other things, he chooses to keep in the realm of the mysterious - like why bad things happen to good people, or what will happen in Heaven - or, why sometimes coffee is so stinkin' good!!!

Sometimes Our Hearts Can Lie to Us

2005-10-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 17:9 (The Message) - "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out."

I had lunch today with one of the smartest, most creative people I've ever met. However, he's also the person who, more than anyone I've ever known, has wrecked his life beyond repair. One bad decision, which led to another one, then another - each decision a little more dangerous than the one before. As he continued on his wreckless path, he convinced himself with each downward step that it would all be O.K., somehow.

He just followed his heart.

His series of bad decisions led to the destruction of his family, personal financial ruin, loss of his reputation and career, and complete humiliation. Tonight I have a birthday present in the back of my car for his daughter, who he's not allowed to see anymore, and who doesn't want to see him anyway.

But, he's a friend so I try to get together with him once in a while. Everytime I see this guy, I walk away with two feelings -

One, it's good to see that given the huge mess he's made, he's doing the best he can with what he has left. More than most people, this guy understands God's forgiveness and grace.

Two, I always walk away with a somewhat scared feeling, knowing that any one of us is capable of so much darkness and destruction to ourselves and to the people we love. No matter who we are, no matter how strong we think we are.

I guess this is why humility is so important. Just knowing we're vulnerable and capable of messing up, drives us closer to the One who can whisper truth to those goofy hearts of ours.

So, having begun this downer little blog with such a somber verse from Jeremiah, let me finish it with something more hopeful...

I Peter 5:5 - "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Just Because I Can - Another Top Ten!!!!

2005-10-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

TOP TEN RANDOM LIFE THINGS THAT ARE PROBABLY NOT NECESSARY:

10. The California Egg Advisory Board

9. Quality Control Inspectors at the Ovation Guitar Company (why bother?)

8. Movie Theater Ushers (what do these people do anyway?)

7. Radio Shack

6. Fords AND Mercuries. (They're the same thing; just pick one.)

5. Regis & Kelly

4. At least half of Local News Broadcasts. (Why do we need news at 4, 5, and 6?)

3. Clothing for dogs

2. Dogs that weigh less than 10 pounds fully grown

and the #1 Random Life Thing that Probably Isn't Necessary......

1. The letters C, Q, & X!!!

New Address...

2005-10-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

Due to technical difficulties, Courtney's Blog has moved.

Here's the new link

Write to her often. Give her lots of life advice. Remind her that her parents know everything and she's darn lucky to have them.

SCHOOL ZONE

2005-10-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

School starts this week.

Starting Monday, I start teaching music at the Afterschool Music/Arts Program at Crossroad Christian Academy. I'll have mostly classes of beginning students, two afternoons a week.

A few of my classes will be for students with a little piano experience already. These kids will be working with me on chord chart reading and improvisation. Sounds like fun - for me at least. Hopefully it'll be fun for the kids, too.

I haven't done a lot of work with children, other than raising one, so it should be interesting finding myself thrust into the elementary school world. Hopefully neither I nor the students will be traumatized too much.

Once I was asked by my former denomination to be a camp counselor for a week, with 3rd and 4th grade boys. I reluctantly agreed, and it turned out to be the longest week of my life. I swear, somehow those five days felt more like 9.

But this is different; I don't have to live with the kids - I just have to spend 40 minutes with groups of 3-4 at a time, and do music stuff. I think it's safe.

In other school news, this is the week I return to school my own bad self. Thursday I'll start the Adult Degree Completion Program with Biola University. No need to ramble on about that, except to say this...

There's a reason you're supposed to finish school when you're in your early 20's. If you're in college now, keep your butt there until you finish!!!!

This concludes my public service announcement. See you later.

There's A New Blogger in the Family

2005-10-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

As if it weren't enough that I leave my brain droppings here, and as if it weren't enough that even our dog was blogging, we now have a new blogger in the house.

Courtney has now joined the blogging force. To find out what the heck's in that pink brain of hers, check out Laughing Out Loud!

Sniff sniff... my little baby's all grown up... soon she'll be writing her own Top Ten Lists!!

What Would Jesus List?

2005-10-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine has noticed a recent plethora of "Top Ten Lists" among the blogs of his friends, family and church members. This friend has gone so far as to write "Eleven Reasons to Stop Making Top 10 Lists." To read this rant, please click
here

I respectfully disagree. And I feel strongly that Jesus himself, if he were here today, would be using this powerful, creative communication method. Parables were so first century; Top Ten Lists are now.

To demonstrate, here are Jesus' Top Ten Top Ten Lists:

10. Top ten reasons to allow Starbucks in the synagogue.

9. Top ten reasons why "The Message," although an imperfect translation, wouldn't exactly kill you to read.

8. Top ten spiritual issues that can't be resolved in Forty Days.

7. Top ten Old Testament passages most people don't know, but should become familiar with.

6. Top ten concerns I have with country music.

5. Top ten bizzarre books sold at Family Christian Store.

4. Top ten bizzarre statements made on Christian Television - just this week.

3. Top ten poses and seating arrangements attempted at the 'Last Supper" before finally deciding to put everyone on the same side of the table, for the portrait you're all familiar with.

2. Top ten ways to get the fish smell off of your clothing after miraculously helping the incompetent disciples catch a very large amount of the floppy, slimy suckers.

and the #1 Top Ten List Jesus would write....

1. Top ten reasons to avoid Ovation guitars!

Top Ten Good Things About Ovation Guitars

2005-10-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

On an internet discussion forum in which I regularly participate, there are frequent discussions that involve musical topics. One subject that comes up often is a comparison between various brands of guitars.

For some reason, many of these discussions involve the Ovation Guitar. (see photo) These are unconventionally-shaped things, which many "traditional" guitar lovers despise. However, there are also many guitarists who love these odd shaped instruments, and defend them vigorously. (If you're not a guitarist, or if you don't have an eye for detail, look closely - THE BACK OF THE GUITAR IS ROUND, LIKE A CEREAL BOWL, NOT FLAT, LIKE A GUITAR.)

I think this strange love of Ovation guitars is kind of like when you have an ugly child. No matter what anyone else thinks or, God forbid, says about your child, it's still your child and you're going to see value in that child, even though few other people can see what you see.

So, I've decided to come up with the Top Ten Good Things About Ovation Guitars...

10. They're virtually indestructable (this is only good if you actually like them);

9. They're good for people who need to work on their self-esteem and assertiveness (this is my guitar, darn it, and if you don't like it, then you can go pound sand!);

8. If you cut off the neck, and add four legs to the body, they make great abstract art coffee tables;

7. Instead of freaking out when a toddler touches one of your nice guitars, you can just say, "Just let him play with the Ovation - he can't possibly hurt it;"

6. Glen Campbell plays them - and who wouldn't want to be like Glen Campbell?

5. The odd-shaped body is awkward to hold for people who are overweight. This is a good incentive to lose that spare tire around the mid-section;

4. Most Ovations only sound good if you plug them in, which gives you a good reason to buy a nice guitar amp. And guitar amps are cool;

3. Because of the space-age polymers used in their construction, they last forever. Even if you bury one in your backyard for 10,000 years, if you go and dig it up, it'll be ready to go;

2. If you take off the neck, and remove the top, you have a very nice large serving bowl for church potlucks;

And the #1 good thing about Ovation Guitars....

1. They make the rest of us with normal guitars (such as my Taylor 214 below) that much more thankful for what we have!

In spite of what well-meaning people say...

2005-10-10T19:50:00.000-07:00

Are there really NO stupid questions?

People Who Are Famous, but Shouldn't Be

2005-10-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

Someday, when I get to be in charge of the world, I'm going to have several rules. For example, bad coffee and country music will be outlawed. And there will be many other necessary rules like that.

One of my rules is this: If you're going to be famous, it needs to be for something worthwhile and substantial. And if you've already gained fame, but have no defineable talents or observable substance, there's going to be an island somewhere where you'll have to go live. When you've learned worthwhile skills, and developed some substance to your life, you can come back and rejoin society.

Here are a few people that need to be banished to this island. These people are clearly famous, but I don't know why:

Paris Hilton...
Lindsay Lohan...
Tom Cruise...
Katie Holmes...
Any of those has-been celebrities who keep ending up on reality shows for has-been celebrities...
Any of those has-been reality TV people who just keep showing up everywhere, even when their little reality TV game is over...

In the immortal words of Napoleon Dynamite, "I don't have any skills!!!" The people in the above list, and many others like them, need to take those words to heart.

This is just a sampling. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to add them.

How the "Pat" Fits into the "Hug"

2005-10-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

This information isn't particularly important or earth shaking, but it might prove to be useful. It's just something I happened to notice the other day when my daughter, Courtney (see photo), was hugging me.

We hugged for several seconds, then I started patting her on the back. It was involuntary; but later I realized that the "pat" is the signal that it's time for the "hug" to end.

Try this with your friends, family or other hug-ees. I'll bet you do it too, and didn't even realize it. This can also come in handy in those situations where you need to hug someone but don't particuarly want to (at church maybe?). When you're done with the "hug", just engage the "pat." It works most of the time.

Girl Coffee

2005-10-04T18:30:00.000-07:00

Before my local Borders made the unfortunate shift to becoming a Seattle's Best Cafe, they used to do this cool thing (besides serving better coffee). They had this little card that they punched every time you ordered any beverage, and after 10 punches, your next beverage was free.

The free beverage could be anything they served. That meant that even if you were like me and only ordered normal coffee, you could bring in your full card and get any kind of unusually bizzarre "coffee beverage," with names that I just can never seem to get straight.

The Borders people always thought it was weird that even though I could have gotten any of those "coffee beverages" free, I always just got coffee. They felt I wasn't getting my money's worth. But I was. That's what I was there for. That's what I believe in. That's my thing.

If it has a name like carmel-schmooziato-crappa-frappa-moisturific-chino, it's no longer coffee. It's girl coffee.

Men, it's time somebody told you the truth. And I'll gladly step up and say it... men look silly ordering stuff like that. Other men are secretly laughing at you and talking behind your back.

A few months ago at Borders, there were two military people sitting at a table; a young man and a young woman. From overhearing their conversation, it was obvious they were just back from Iraq. A nice, well-meaning older lady walked up to them and as a gesture of appreciation, told them she would buy them coffee. When they went up to the counter to get the coffee, she wouldn't let them just get "coffee." No, it had to be something special - "get anything you want," she kept saying. Finally, they gave in and ordered two of the carmel-schmooziato-evergreen-smooth-as-a-baby's-buttaccciato's, although they were clearly uncomfortable ordering such a thing.

But I understand their reticence. These were military people. They were tough. They were manly; even the woman scared me. They had no place in their thinking for "coffee beverages." They were used to roughing it - drinking coffee brewed through the radiator of a Hummer, with desert sand mixed in with it.

So men, leave the specialty coffee beverages to your lovely wives and daughters. There's nothing wrong with these beverages, in the right (i.e., female) context. Let's leave it there.

The Bad Ass Coffee Company

2005-09-30T00:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people, usually children, will say, "I don't like that," referring to some kind of food. The weird part is when they say "I don't like that" about something they haven't actually tried. I know. I did that when I was a kid, and sometimes I still do it.

This situation is exactly like that, only just the opposite. There's a cool coffee company in Hawaii, called the Bad Ass Coffee Company. Last time I was over there, I wanted to go and try the coffee and check the place out, but I didn't get around to it. But, just because of the name and the general attitude, I've decided I like this coffee.

On their website (which you can find by clicking the title of this blog entry), there's info about the company, about the coffee, and cool stuff you can order. I would love to order a gray long-sleeved t-shirt, or a hat, but there's just one problem. It just doesn't seem appropriate for a guy in ministry to wear something that says "bad ass."

I'm pretty sure, deep down in the place where we're sure of stuff, that there's probably nothing wrong with wearing a shirt like that. If I had a friend with that shirt or hat, I wouldn't have a problem with it, other than jealousy. If someone came to church dressed that way, I wouldn't mind, though I think it might make some people uncomfortable.

Paul (the Apostle, not the guy next door to me) says in I Corinthians, "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." This probably applies to my bad ass situation. If I were to re-write the verse, it would say, "Lots of things are cool, but they're just not worth the hassle they might cause."

Maybe I'll just order some of their coffee. And maybe a mug. And maybe a shirt, just to wear places where no one knows me.

The Rhino Thing

2005-09-29T14:20:00.000-07:00

Because of the thousands of questions I'm getting about my rhino picture (well - I would be getting thousands of questions if I had thousands of readers), here's what it's about.

Life is supposed to be lived fully. Anything boring, mundane, half-hearted, or half-gluteous-maximus should be avoided at all costs. This especially applies to anything done for the Kingdom of God.

I've come to the point where I have no interest in the sort of tame, domesticated Christianity we've become so familiar with. Christianity that doesn't accomplish anything, doesn't change anything and doesn't challenge anything can't possibly be what Jesus had in mind. Churches that don't matter, don't matter. Christianity should contain a barbarian, whatever-it-takes element.

Groups of animals have various names for their groups: a group of seagulls is called a flock, a group of lions is called a herd, a group of fish is a school. Oddly enough, a group of buzzards waiting to eat leftover carnage is called a committee (this explains so much about what goes on in some churches).

A group of rhinos is called a crash. What an appropriate name. Here's a quote from "The Barbarian Way," by Erwin McManus, about a crash of rhinos...

"Running at 30 mph is faster than a used Pinto will go. Just one problem with this phenomenon. Rhinos can only see 30 feet in front of them. Can you imagine something that large moving in concert as a group, plowing ahead at 30 mph with no idea what's at 31 feet?

"You would think they would be far too timid to pick up full steam, that their inability to see far enough ahead would paralyze them to immobility. But with that horn pointing the way, rhinos run forward full steam ahead without apprehension, which leads us to their name.

"Rhinos moving together at full speed are called a crash...... You've got to love that. I think that's what we're supposed to be. That's what happens when we become barbarians and shake free of domestication and civility. The church becomes a crash. We become an unstoppable force. We don't have to know the future. Who cares that we can see only thirty feet ahead? Whatever's at 31 feet needs to care that we're coming and better get out of the way."

So for me, it's time to be a rhino for awhile.

My OTHER Mission in Life

2005-09-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Besides trying to be a good man, a good minister, a good musician and a good husband and father (none of which I want to diminish in any way), I have another important goal in life: to find the Ultimate Cup of Coffee.

Some people might say this is a purely subjective thing; coffee that one person likes might be disliked by someone else. That's true, but my response to that is - whose blog is this? Mine. So, by the rules of the cyberworld, that gives me the right, at least on this space, to make absolute declarations as to coffee quality.

I'm a coffee snob. I'd much rather drink good coffee than bad coffee. Life's too short to waste time on bad coffee. Plus, you can only drink so much of it per day; why waste your few cups on some kind of dark brown, scorched, nasty swill when there are so many good choices out there?

Because of that belief (the whole "life's too short thing"), I feel it's my responsibility to direct people toward a more perfect brew. So, from time to time, I'll be devoting a blog topic to coffee; cool places to get it, places that aren't worth your time (or at least, MY time), and anything else coffee-related that I can write about.

Here are some of my favorites:

1. Starbucks - there are 29 billion of these places. And that's just on my block. Normally when there are too many locations of anything, the quality suffers, but so far I haven't found that to be a problem with Starbucks. While it's not my favorite cup of coffee, they're sort of the McDonald's of good coffee - you know that you'll never be more than 3 seconds away from one, and you can generally count on getting something tasty there.

2. Borders - this is still one of my favorite places to hang out and read, and drink coffee. However, more and more Borders Cafe's are being remodeled and taken over by Seattle's Best, and that's a step in the wrong direction, in my opinion. I just don't like Seattle's Best Coffee as well as good old Borders Blend. I don't hate SB coffee, and I still like to hang at Borders, but something is definitely missing since my local Borders made that change a month or so ago.

3. The Bagel Factory - suprised? Besides having decent bagels, this place has bangin' coffee (I heard "bangin" recently and thought I'd incorporate it into my daily life). It was a surprise to me; I stopped at the Bagel Factory one Sunday years ago on my way to church, and of course got some coffee with my bagel, and from then on I was hooked. I don't know if this is a national chain or not, but there are several in the L.A. area.

4. Bechamel Bakery in Old Torrance - this little hole in the wall makes an incredible cup of coffee, and the owner, Judy, refuses to tell anyone the details of the blend.

5. Santa Barbara Roasting Company - I try to get to Santa Barbara once or twice a year, and I always try to stop in at Roco, as the locals call it. Pretty good coffee, and very cool atmosphere.

And an added bonus today...

The world's worst coffee - the stuff served by most churches. Even churches that brag about their coffee. For some reason, they just can't get it right. Even the last church I pastored, with me as a genuine coffee snob, served horrible coffee. Part of it's a money thing; part of it's the need to make large amounts quickly and boil the life out of it.

For now, it's better to just go to church for other reasons, and figure out your coffee jones elsewhere. I'm a strong believer, for the most part, in separation of church and coffee. The best you can hope for is to find a church that's cool enough to let you bring your own coffee into the service, and make a Starbucks stop on the way.

Coming soon... the decline of McDonald's coffee... why I like Hawaii but not so much their coffee... and the ethical dilemma of a minister liking the "bad ass coffee company."